Marrying a non-Christian

[holliel99]

I have been dating a guy for two years now who isn't a Christian. Because I want to totally live my life for Jesus Christ, I told myself that I would never date a non-Christian. I went into a volunteer service for one year and fell completely in love with this wonderful guy. I couldn't believe that I was falling in love with a non-believer. He was raised Catholic, but after high school, traveled around the world and met people with all different faiths. He says that now he respects all religions because he feels each person has their own faith and that they all are doing what they believe God wants them to do. He does believe in God, he just doesn't thing Jesus is the only way. He feels God wouldn't do that to his creation and that as long as he is living his life the best he can and he believes and prays to God, then God will bless him. He just feels completely content with that and sees no need in accepting one true faith.
He totally respects my faith and in two years, has NEVER asked me to go against what I believe. He's very moral, and we have remained sexually pure because we both believe it is something that is meant for marriage. I have never been happier in my life then these last two years I have been with him. We share so much. Although he isn't a Christian, we share the same views on life. Meaning, we both strive to show unconditional love to everyone, give to everyone in need, and do good to all on earth. I tell him all the time that he has a Christian attitude, he just needs to believe. It's hard because he just doesn't see why he needs to believe something that he cannot make himself believe.
I am having this huge struggle in my life right now and I didn't know who to talk to or where to go. I thought maybe someone here has been in my situation and can share their story. He recently proposed to me and I was so happy. I now don't know what to do. I called off the engagement and came back to stay with my parents for a while. I love this guy so much and in two years there has never been a day when I didn't want to be around him. I know I can't save him, but I thought I could shine my Christian light, be strong, and hopefully one day God will touch his heart. He is totally ok with me raising our children to know Jesus. He wants me to go to church and to take them to church (these are children that might come in the future). His parents are Christians, so he is comfortable being around people with this faith. He just can't make himself believe. Is there anyone out there who is happy in marriage with a non-believer? Or anyone with a similar situation? Or any opinion or advice whatsoever? I would greatly appreciate anything. I just need someone to talk to.

[Fidelity]

I have been dating a guy for two years now who isn't a Christian. Because I want to totally live my life for Jesus Christ, I told myself that I would never date a non-Christian. I went into a volunteer service for one year and fell completely in love with this wonderful guy. I couldn't believe that I was falling in love with a non-believer. He was raised Catholic, but after high school, traveled around the world and met people with all different faiths. He says that now he respects all religions because he feels each person has their own faith and that they all are doing what they believe God wants them to do. He does believe in God, he just doesn't thing Jesus is the only way. He feels God wouldn't do that to his creation and that as long as he is living his life the best he can and he believes and prays to God, then God will bless him. He just feels completely content with that and sees no need in accepting one true faith.
He totally respects my faith and in two years, has NEVER asked me to go against what I believe. He's very moral, and we have remained sexually pure because we both believe it is something that is meant for marriage. I have never been happier in my life then these last two years I have been with him. We share so much. Although he isn't a Christian, we share the same views on life. Meaning, we both strive to show unconditional love to everyone, give to everyone in need, and do good to all on earth. I tell him all the time that he has a Christian attitude, he just needs to believe. It's hard because he just doesn't see why he needs to believe something that he cannot make himself believe.
I am having this huge struggle in my life right now and I didn't know who to talk to or where to go. I thought maybe someone here has been in my situation and can share their story. He recently proposed to me and I was so happy. I now don't know what to do. I called off the engagement and came back to stay with my parents for a while. I love this guy so much and in two years there has never been a day when I didn't want to be around him. I know I can't save him, but I thought I could shine my Christian light, be strong, and hopefully one day God will touch his heart. He is totally ok with me raising our children to know Jesus. He wants me to go to church and to take them to church (these are children that might come in the future). His parents are Christians, so he is comfortable being around people with this faith. He just can't make himself believe. Is there anyone out there who is happy in marriage with a non-believer? Or anyone with a similar situation? Or any opinion or advice whatsoever? I would greatly appreciate anything. I just need someone to talk to.
2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

That is quite clear we should not be with unbelievers. What communion hath light with darkness? Luk 12:51 Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: Christ came for division. To separate the light from the dark. If you are of the light, then you have no communion with the dark. If this guy really loves you, then he will also understand that your faithfulness to God comes before him, since you two are not yet married anyhow. Where does you faith stand, with God first or the darkness first?


You asked for any "opinions" or any advice whatsoever. I have told you what the bible says. You said you were a Christian? I would think you should know what I have told you and have no need to ask if someone is happy in a relationship with an unbeliever. Since the bible is clearly against this.

May the Lord grant you understanding of this and give you eyes to see what lies ahead.


Fidelity

[jmj81376]

First of all, if he believes in God and prays to God, I don't think I would classify him as a 'non-believer'. I understand that he does not accept Jesus as the only way, but he does believe in God, so that is a start.

Fidelity makes a good point about associating with darkness, but I have to say that I do not agree with that in a case like this. Here is my reasoning for that statement. If non-believers are considered dark and we are not to associate with darkness, then how are we to help lead non-believers to Christ? See my point? Non-believers are not dark, only lost. That is what our job as christians is all about. God has a purpose for everyone's life, but it all comes down to spreading His Word and to help lead the lost to Him.

Now, as for your particular problem. I understand how difficult it is. Here is my suggestion. Pray for him! You said you called off the engagement and I understand that, but does he understand why? Explain why you are having trouble with saying 'yes' and tell him you need to spend some time in prayer about it. If he encourages you to follow your faith, then he should understand this. Then you need to spend time in prayer and spend time with God. Ask him for guidance and pray for this man's salvation. If you are a believer in fasting, then spend some time in fasting. I have seen wondrous miracles as a result of fasting!

The main point of my advice is this: Do Not Give Up Hope!! If he lives his life with a christian attitude and believes in God, there is much hope for him. Spend some time with God and pray hard about it. If you ask him for guidance and ask for this man's salvation, I truly believe He will provide for you. Remember, Luke 1:37 For with God nothing shall be impossible.

May God Bless You Richly,
You are in my prayers,
jmj81376

[Rylee]

Okay, I have actually been in your situation so I will tell you what happened: I was with a guy for three years who did not even believe that God existed. Well, I suppose that I just "pretended" that the issue didn't exist, and I even stopped going to church. Well, since the issue did exist even though I pretended that it didn't, it finally came to a head after three years. I finally came to my senses and picked God over him. That was very hard, because I truly was in love with this person and we had planned on getting married. However, even though I didn't think that it would be possible, I have found someone who is a Christian and shares the same beliefs that I do, and I couldn't be happier.
Here's my advice: Remember God and put him first, no matter how hard it seems. He will lead you in the right direction. You know deep down what you have to do, now you just have to work on accepting that you have to make the difficult decision. I hope you are strong enough to follow the light.

[jmj81376]

Rylee, she stated that he believes in God and prays to God, he just does not believe that Jesus is the only way to God. Prayer for his salvation and prayer for guidance would be the best way for her to make a decision. If she can lead him to Christ, that would be a wonderful blessing for both of them. That is why I suggested prayer before she makes any decision at all.

[holliel99]

Fidelity, jmj81376, and Rylee, thank you for your responses! Let me add some more to my story and then see what you guys have to say. I never backslid in my faith the entire time I was with my boyfriend. If anything, he helped me to grow stronger in my faith. We constantly had religious discussions and we would explain each other's points-of-view and why we felt those ways. I've explained "salvation" to him until I was black and blue. Sometimes we would be talking (I would be praying along with that), and he looked liked he was actually understanding. I would be like, "Oh please God let this be the time that it clicks in his head and he understands why Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light. Then all of a sudden he would say, "Well, I strongly admire your faith Hollie, I really do, and I hope one day I have something like you have, but honestly, right now I have no desire, and I feel 99% that I never will." Of course when he said stuff like this, it broke my heart. I just keep thinking, "If he only knew what it actually meant, he would think differently." I know that as long as he's not a believer in Christ, I can't marry him. That is the hardest thing I've ever decided in my life. Rylee, I know you said you had to do the same thing. I don't know how all this works on this website, but I would like to talk to you more about your experience. jmj81376, I think you are right too. I can't continue in my relationship with him in hopes of him changing for me. But I can continue my friendship with him and ask everyone I can think of to pray for his salvation (you guys too, please!!). I will pray for his salvation daily. I will pray that I planted a seed and that God will send someone along to water it, and someone else, and someone else, until the right moment when his heart will be open to the truth. I would rather spend this life on earth without him, with a chance to spend eternity with him, than to live this life with him and eternity without him!
Oh, I forgot to tell you, he knew exactly why I broke up with him. He knew it was happening before it did, even though we never had bad times...never got angry at one another, never was not happy. He said that he wished he could share my faith with me and it hurt him that he couldn't. He said in the back of him mind, he always knew that I needed more. I had told him from the beginning of our relationship that he would never be number 1 in my life, because that place was reserved for God, and that if I ever had to chose between anything and God (including him), then it would be God. He said he understood. Well, the day we called off the engagement and all, he said, "I guess this is the time you have to choose between me and God." He is very, very hurt and lonely. I know this, as am i. But I have Christ and Christian fellowship. Please pray for his comforter to come along and show him that he can do nothing on this earth without Him. Thanks again for your responses.

[Rylee]

Well, the day we called off the engagement and all, he said, "I guess this is the time you have to choose between me and God."

Why would he say that? I'm sorry, but if he said that he understood that God would be first in your life always, why would he put it in a context of you having to choose between him and God? That sounds so much like an ultimatium. I'm not trying to be huffy or start anything, I'm just wondering if that sentence was meant to sound as it read... I mean, it's not like he said, "You chose God over me in the beginning of the relationship, and I knew this at the beginning, and I knew the terms of our relationship." He sounds as if he didn't know that you would ultimately choose God over him. Anyhow, I will pray for nothing for the best for the two of you, regardless of the outcome. Everything will turn out according to God's plan, so just keep your head up and stay strong.

[Gail]

hello!!!
I am one who years ago married a non believer. The first five yrs were hell because it is true there is nothing in common with light and darkness. and yes the non believer is darkness...how great is that darkness. because we have jesus and only then does the body have LIGHT. I do have good news however. I began to pray for him and with others for his salvation. He got saved six months after we began praying and now 25 yrs later he is following Christ , so it was real. I would not suggest marrying an unbeliever because like it says there is nothing in common and the going is rough ill tell you. BUT, i would say...get together with other believerrs in agreement and pray for his salvation. Where two agree ..it will be done amen??? So, believe in faith for him, pray, agree....I will agree with you right now.. and God is so merciful, if you speak to the Lord about it...you may see a great miracle happen!!!! god can do anything!!! You said his family are believers. well bible says something about the WHOLE household being saved, also that our children will be belssed(meaning believers).. he is a believers child.. so..get face down, pray and when he get saves.. marry him if the Lord so leads!!!
gail






I have been dating a guy for two years now who isn't a Christian. Because I want to totally live my life for Jesus Christ, I told myself that I would never date a non-Christian. I went into a volunteer service for one year and fell completely in love with this wonderful guy. I couldn't believe that I was falling in love with a non-believer. He was raised Catholic, but after high school, traveled around the world and met people with all different faiths. He says that now he respects all religions because he feels each person has their own faith and that they all are doing what they believe God wants them to do. He does believe in God, he just doesn't thing Jesus is the only way. He feels God wouldn't do that to his creation and that as long as he is living his life the best he can and he believes and prays to God, then God will bless him. He just feels completely content with that and sees no need in accepting one true faith.
He totally respects my faith and in two years, has NEVER asked me to go against what I believe. He's very moral, and we have remained sexually pure because we both believe it is something that is meant for marriage. I have never been happier in my life then these last two years I have been with him. We share so much. Although he isn't a Christian, we share the same views on life. Meaning, we both strive to show unconditional love to everyone, give to everyone in need, and do good to all on earth. I tell him all the time that he has a Christian attitude, he just needs to believe. It's hard because he just doesn't see why he needs to believe something that he cannot make himself believe.
I am having this huge struggle in my life right now and I didn't know who to talk to or where to go. I thought maybe someone here has been in my situation and can share their story. He recently proposed to me and I was so happy. I now don't know what to do. I called off the engagement and came back to stay with my parents for a while. I love this guy so much and in two years there has never been a day when I didn't want to be around him. I know I can't save him, but I thought I could shine my Christian light, be strong, and hopefully one day God will touch his heart. He is totally ok with me raising our children to know Jesus. He wants me to go to church and to take them to church (these are children that might come in the future). His parents are Christians, so he is comfortable being around people with this faith. He just can't make himself believe. Is there anyone out there who is happy in marriage with a non-believer? Or anyone with a similar situation? Or any opinion or advice whatsoever? I would greatly appreciate anything. I just need someone to talk to.

[Redeemed777]

Hey im not marryed im just fourteen, but i do want to say something.
First there isnt a question about whether God would or wouldnt do something to his creation. God distroyed Sadam and Gamorah(an inventor would throw a machine he was frustrated with). a few things, Prey(sirously), read the word of God. And make sure your in his will. Paul taught in ICORINTHIANS 7:13,14,
(13And a woman which hath a husband that believeth not,and if he be pleased to dwell with her let her not leave him 14 for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieveing wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.)
Also all religions are not all right, if they were why did Jesus witness and why did he tell us to tell the gospel to the most utter places of the earth?
He didn't come with peace but with a sword MATTHEW 10:34 (Think not that i have come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace but a sword)
Now whether or not to marry this guy: i would think not but i need to prey about it first but my fleshly response to marrying outside of Christ would be recamended not
If i have been harsh...sorry I hope i gave you something to think about

[dill987]

Look I know it is hard to say I can't marry you because of my religion and end this thing when you guys were together for so long.I had a post to about something like this but i'm telling you I know inside taht you so dissapointed that your religons say no and i was to when I couldn't go out with a girl untill i'm 15 but i'm stickying to my relgion and you should too.And don't take anything any from me because i'm 13 and giving you advice...alot of people do that.But the frist ost told you stright up and it is now in your hands...I know it's alot to handle but I really don't know if you'll do the right thing but I hope you do.And i'm just telling you that you've been with jesus and you shouldn't go back it's like ummm you made a contract with the mighty one and you should keep it.Thing LONG LONG and hard before you make you dision and i HOPE you make the right one.

[jmj81376]

Hollie,
I want to give you a spark of hope, by sharing a story with you.

My parents were 'celebrated' their 30th anniversary in Feb 2002 and my mother left my father that March. My mom and dad married young(he was 18, she was 17) and they were the 'first' everything for each other. The 30 years they were married had ups and downs, but my dad never saw it coming. He was devastated! He did not want to even live, he did not know how to live without her, by himself. This took place before I myself was saved and I did not belong to a church and had no christian advice to help him. My aunt convinced him to go to church with her and one time was all it took. He was the lowest he had ever been and that helped open his heart and mind enough to hear The Word of God. He was saved a became a very christian man. It still to this day continues to amaze me, the difference in him.

The point of this story is a good one. As Daddy continued his walk with Christ, my mom was drawn back to him and he helped lead her to Jesus. She was saved and baptized in March of 2005 and they were remarried in May.

Now, the reason I chose to share this story is that it shows there is hope. If he is truly hurt by the breakup of your relationship, perhaps that could be enough to open his heart to Jesus. Continue to pray for him. You both are in my prayers.

God Bless,
Jaime

[likeadeerpantsforwater]

I would only marry someone of the Christian faith - unless they were like this guy. He sounds perfect - someone who can not only accept your faith but encourages it, gems like this are rare to come by!
I wouldn't just dump him because he doesnt share your religion. if you love him, then by all means marry him if that is what you both want/

[Rylee]

You can't just decide to go ahead and do something just because it seems like he's "so great"... it is against God's law. Smoking weed is "so much fun" but I don't do it, because it's not right. Making fun of others makes people laugh and is "so much fun" but I don't do it, because it's not right. Stealing is "so much fun" because you always gain, never lose... but I don't do it, because it's not right.
I could keep going and going, but just because he's a nice guy doesn't make it alright. It's not like God's going to be like, "Well, you know, he IS nice and all... well, I don't know... I guess it's okay, just this once!"
Gandhi was a nice guy, but does that matter?

[likeadeerpantsforwater]

maybe we are talking about a different God - the one i know does not hate people because they do not know them.
You cannot spend your whole lives avoiding things that are not 100% christianity. You shoudn't get in with evil things like drugs, but people can be the goodest people in the world and not worship jesus, and you cannot frwon on them because of that.

[Rylee]

When did I say that God hated anybody?
There's a big difference between "avoiding something because it's not 100% Christianity" and MARRYING somebody who isn't a Christian when the Bible says that you shouldn't. You can associate with non-Christians, as a matter of fact, that's unavoidable, and they can be the best people in the world, but that doesn't make it okay to marry them.

[Redeemed777]

I agree with you rylee this world says the things that are right are really wrong, i did post earlyer so you might want to read that
But i have to say Rylee im thanking God for you
again I not trying to praise you its just you post some really cool stuff
love

[jmj81376]

You cannot spend your whole lives avoiding things that are not 100% christianity. You shoudn't get in with evil things like drugs, but people can be the goodest people in the world and not worship jesus, and you cannot frwon on them because of that.

No, you cannot spend your whole life avoiding things that are not 100% christianity, BUT you can avoid associating with things that are not christian.

I have already posted my advice to Hollie on her question, but this statement caught me and I wanted to respond to it in particular.

First of all, we have to associate with non-believers to do our own jobs as christians. We are to help lead lost souls to Christ, so that requires some association with people that are not christian. However, that said, we can avoid things that are not christian.

Another thing is this: It specifically says in the bible that good works alone do not get ANYONE into heaven. The only way to the Father is through the Son. If you do not accept Jesus, you cannot be guaranteed a place in heaven. You only receive that guarantee through the Blood of the Lamb, through our Lord Jesus Christ.

The thing about marrying a non-christian is that you can spend your entire life on this earth loving someone, but, if they don't accept Jesus, you will have eternity without them. That is something many people look to. Not only will we be with our Father in heaven, but we will be with our loved ones as well. If someone is a non-christian, there is no guarantee you will see them in heaven.

[Angel]

holliel99
Wow - you two really seem to have been made for each other except for one thing huh? But an important thing nevertheless I guess!

Well my story is a little different in that my husband and I were already married before God called me first to Him. Saved me by His Grace and made me realise what being a Christian was all about. I started going to church with the children. They loved Sunday school! He eventually got fed up sitting at home alone and decided to come along after quite a long time. Of course God in His infinite mercy called him also and used me to encourage him constantly. Eventually God's hand was on my husband and he couldn't deny Him any longer. We were both water baptised which was a step we felt we had to take and ever since then there has been no going back. Praise God! :-D

Also a lady at our church used to be so sad about her husband who was not a Christian but we used to pray together and I told her never to give up, keep praying and today he is also a Christian. :) In situations like yours it is never easy and I think it is just awesome that you really want to do what is right according to God's Holy Word but I will pray for you and this young man. God is a miracle worker! For Him nothing is impossible!!! I think you have been a great witness for God in this situation. :-)

God bless

Angel :af

[blueheron32]

"He is totally ok with me raising our children to know Jesus. He wants me to go to church and to take them to church (these are children that might come in the future). His parents are Christians, so he is comfortable being around people with this faith. He just can't make himself believe."

Hollie....At this point, yes he is totally ok with you teaching your children your faith...Here is a question for you to consider....Are you totally ok with him teaching his children his faith???.....Because he certainly will....you will teach him christianity..he will teach them that christianity is simply one of many "legitimate" expressions of religion...never underestimate the influence of a father on his children...hollie...they will listen to him...and likely follow his lead. He may make a fine husband...but I doubt he will make a fine husband for a christian wife.. the scripture says...

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

That is there for a reason Hollie...You will never regret doing things Gods way. I hope you will follow his way...

blueheron32