At the end of the road ...

[Manee]

Hello everyone,

Well, I will try to make this short. I am in my second marriage and I am struggling. We have been married for a little over 3 years. It has been more than a year since my husband has touched me, kissed me or anything beyond that. We tried counseling for a while but it never got us anywhere. Since this is the second marriage for both of us, we decided to do it the right way this time. We were celibate and did not even live together until after we were married. I am starting to regret the "celibate" issue. I am only 40 years old and I miss feeling like a woman so much. In my opinion, we are more than room mates than anything else. It is such a personal matter that I am very hesitant to talk about it. Only a few close Christian friends know about it, one of which told me just the other day that having no physical affection/contact would be a deal breaker for him. I am afraid to bring it up again with my husband, because I am afraid he will get upset (which happened the last time I brought up another delicate issue - his weight gain). What am I supposed to do? The thought of another divorce disgusts me, but I can't imagine living the rest of my life without any physical affection. Any advice from someone who perhaps has been in my situation would be greatly appreciated.

[hisredeemed]

I could have written this. In my second marriage we did much the same thing. We prayed, fasted, and did all the right things. I even left my home in NY and moved to SC to marry my second husband.

He was soooooooooooo romantic and attentive, but when it came to 'that' time.........I was devastated thinking I was only going to have a 'romantic friend' for the rest of my life!

You have to talk to your husband. I got upset, he got upset, we both got upset. We fought and cried. We prayed and begged God. It took a little over 2 years. Finally, we had a breakthrough.

It didn't happen over night but changed gradually. We had to be open and honest almost to the point of mortification but it was the only way we could change.

We were very careful not to belittle or name call. It was difficult b/c we, too, had almost no one to talk to b/c my husband was so embarassed, but silence breeds darkness.

My feminity and self-esteem took such a beating I thought I would die. And I, also, was only 43 at the time-in my prime. I cried and cried out to God. I almost went back home without him.

But God is faithful and our intimate life is 'exceeding abundantly above all we could have asked or thought'! We are closer than anyone could have imagined. My in-laws , who are awesome, were so afraid we wouldn't make it. My mom-in-law prayed everyday for us-yes, they knew.

God is bigger than any situation. He is the Designer of our marriages and love lives. Let the Manufacturer fix his creation. He is faithful. Let Him take your intimate issues and restore them--b/c He can and will!!!

[OneJoe]

Manee, I wouldn't normally respond to a woman on an issue like this since we do have other women who post. However, I am confused as to exactly what your saying. It is good you and your husband did not touch each other until after you were married. But I don't understand the problem now. Are you two still doing the celibacy? If not, then I don't understand the problem. Is one depriving the other? If so, that is an issue.

1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1Co 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1Co 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1Co 7:5 Defraud(deprive) ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

[hisredeemed]

Gee, Joe...what am I chopped liver?

[OneJoe]

lol Hello hisredeemed, I read your post and I saw you were offering guidance, but I was still confused as to why all this is happening. That is why I really felt I had to respond. I am not sure who, if either one, is at fault for this situation. Maybe it is neither one, but something else I don't know about. I pray this issue is cleared up which only God can do.

[crossway7]

My wife and I have been married over 13 years. We have had our struggles. Let me say just a few things how you may pray. Ask for the cross to be mannifest in your marriage. Your own personal cross. You see the cross exposes all that is not of God and ultimately the cross kills allowing God to resurrect. The bilbe is clear we will experience the death and life of Christ. Your husband has the responsiblity leading his family with the cross. He has failed in doing so. Interceed for his weakness, brokeness, humility that he may experience the life of Christ through the resurrection power of God. If it helps read my experience at www.ultimategolfer.com (outreach). I have no fancy words for you but do know the power of God is the cross.