Role as wife/too much pressure

[workingmom]

I wanted to see if any of my christian brothers and sisters in Christ could give me some advice. I have been married for 8+ years. We have 2 children (1 is autistic). My husband has always struggled in finding a successful career. I have always worked (I make good money as an Operations Manager for successful Commercial Lending Co). For the last year (and...most of our marriage), I have been paying ALL the bills (with no financial support from him), taking care of the children in every respect, taking care of the house (it is for Sale...so it has to be perfect each day that I leave the house)...and working a 40+ hour week. My husband knows that I want to be a stay-at-home mom (especially since we found out our 3 year old son was autistic 1 year ago). I know that he is trying....but he doesn't help me out AT ALL. He does receive a small salary, but doesn't share any of it. He seems so self centered. He keeps any money he makes, seldom helps with the family needs (taking care of the house, bills, kids), and does whatever he wants in his free time (he gets home late most every night...many times in his workout clothes). I get so frustrated when he is there...because he just sits on the couch, watching TV...KNOWING that I'm running around trying to get everthing done. If I ask him to help, he gets mad at me and lectures me about "giving him advanced notice so that he can manage my request in his schedule". I am so tired....and sad. I have aged 10+ years in the last 5 years because of all the stress. I would love to be able to take care of myself....like work-out, but there just isn't any time for me.

I want the marriage that God desires for us. I feel like I can't say much of anything to my husband because I fear that I am "nagging" or "tearing him down". I know he wants to be the provider...and I know that he knows he is not taking care of his family. So, I don't say anything. I "try" to encourage and build him up....but it is so hard when he is not helping me. The worst part....I know he knows he isn't helping me...and my perception is that he doesn't care. I am so frustrated. I'm not suppose to think of divorce....but, sometimes these thoughts creep into my mind. I know it's not right because I am to honor God. Also, I just don't want to do that to my children.

My heart longs to take care of my children everyday. It is so hard to get home @ 7:00-7:30pm at night every night and spend the time with them they need. Both of my children need to see love...and no better way than spending time with them. Especially my autistic son....he needs special attention to help him in his development.

My job is so exhausting and demanding. I just want to quit for something more rewarding and eternal....being with my children.

Does anyone have advise for me? I want bibilical advise. I want to do what God wants me to do. Thank you for any help you can give me.

[OneJoe]

Workingmom, I must say it isn't often I get to see a woman who actually wants their marriage to work. Your words are those of a wife and mother. You desire only good things, not a way out when the going gets tough. There isn't much I can say in regard to your husband. That responsiblity is his and I'm sure he does feel bad that he isn't doing his part. But for some that is a hard thing to accept when they already feel worthless. I could also recommend you be the biblical example of a good wife, but to be honest it sounds like you already know that. It sounds like your doing your part and then some. I know you want biblical advice. To me it sounds you are already doing the biblical thing and I pray God will richly bless you for that. Rest assured the Lord is listening and watching. He sees your intent and your husbands. Continue in prayer and wait on the Lord. I will also pray for your situation and that your husband will see your behavior and honor you for your efforts. Again, I do not hear of many women who put in the effort you have and desire nothing more than the will of God. I have posted a few scriptures at the bottom. I pray they will strengthen your heart.

Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Pro 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Pro 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
Pro 31:14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
Pro 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
Pro 31:16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Pro 31:17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
Pro 31:18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
Pro 31:19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
Pro 31:20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
Pro 31:21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
Pro 31:22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Pro 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
Pro 31:24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Pro 31:25 Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Pro 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Pro 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Pro 31:29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Pro 31:30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Pro 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

God Bless You Workingmom!



Onejoe

[mom23blessings]

I read your post nd just wanted to repsond. I too am dying to be a stay at home mom again.. I work 40 plus hours a week and it does take its toll on us.. I too have unfortunatly had divorce thoughts slip into my mind.. but then I remind myself "God Hates Divorce" One night I was literally laying in my bathroom floor crying and pouring my heart out to God and the ONLY repsonse I could hear is " is anything to hard for ME?" GOd was asking me is anything too hard for Him.. Now granted there are still days like today when it feels like the pressures of life are pouring in on my head.. and I cant stand it anymore.. when I want to just run scremaing.. but I keep remembering be still and know that He is God.. He can change my husband's bad habits.. in HIS timing.. and He can change my heart to not be biter over them.. not resent them.. NOTHING IS TOO BIG FOR GOD!! sooo Jus stand firm.. pray hard!! and KNow and claim that GOd has made the changes He needs made!! I also would like to recommend a book "power of a praying wife" by stormie Omartian.. its a great one and I have to say my friend who sent that to me.. saved my marriage! It's still rough some 3 years alter, but i have to say I see changes in both myself and my husband. I'll keep you in my prayers!!

Amy

[snowflake04]

This sounds all too furmiliar to me, my mom was in the exact situation you are in. She took care of all six kids worked 40-50 hrs a week as a nurse, and somehow managed to take us to lessons church etc etc. she was super mom. I want you to know that now that im all grown up and see everything my mom did for us to make sure we got everything we needed, i am very appreciative. However you need to look out for your own health, women are not called to bare the burden of being a provider, and this is a bad habit. Talk to your husband and tell him you are feeling overwhelmed and do this without anger. Is there any way you could get by without working and just on your husbands wage? Remember that God never gives us more burden then we can bear, maybe if you told your husband you were going to just work part time or quit completely, because you felt the children needed your attention, he would be more motivated to be the provider. you have a mission field and that is your home. I believe if you put your children first God will provide for your family and provide a job for your husband, you just have to trust him. You both should come together and study on the roles of husbands and wives and what God expects of the both of you, as parents.