Married to alcoholic,lying, probably cheating,never home husband. Advice needed!

[Lucy27]

I've been married for 6 years. And have felt alone most of it. Husband prefers to be at work than home. He a pilot who flies around the rich and famous, and stays in only the nicest places. He lives a glamourous life, gets drunk with the other guys, uses fowl language. Up till a couple years ago I was discovering pornography here and there. I wonder if he is just hiding it better now.

Last week he came home with an extremely strong smell of perfume on his shirt. Now he wears street close instead of uniform to work, showers at work, and also changes before he comes home. He's says it's to avoid traffic.

When he's home he just talks down to me and critizices me in front of 2 kids. He doesn't talk to me, walks away when I try, and really doesn't add anything to my life except a paycheck.

I want out of the marriage but have been waiting on God to give me proof of infidelity. Do I have enough reason already. I would greatly appreciate your advice.
Thanks,
Lucy27

[Gemut]

Lucy27, I wish I had advice for you. I am new here. I beleive myself to be a Christian, but my daily actions don't show me to be a Christian, I simply believe in God.
I was married once to an abusive man. I stayed in that marriage for five years. No one could help me, I had to help myself, I was stubborn. Those years have passed me, and I am happily married to a nice man. I believe that something bigger than me has been with me, I call this bigger something, God. I beleive that God knows our hearts and no matter our circumstances God knows what we need, want, desire, and God does not abandon anyone, NO ONE !! Christian or non Christian. I hope this is of some help to you. On a practical note, I might suggest seeking help through someone you can trust. There are plenty of good places who help folks with the challenges you have shared here. God speed !

[godslove]

Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

perhaps a pastor or marraige councelor can give help you...God bless

[hisredeemed]

If you can prove that he has been unfaithful you have biblical grounds to divorce him and have spiritual freedom to remarry.

BUT, have you been actively praying and fasting on his behalf? Are you saved? Is he?

The Lord wants to see an all-out effort to save your marriage because He hates divorce.

I stayed married to my first husband 17 years, prayed and cried the first infidelity but ended it when I found many others. It tried first.

And if you do suspect infidelity, GET YOURSELF TESTED!!! The Bible says for us to be wise as the world is wise! If he wants intimacy and you accept make sure you use a condom every time!!!

[Lordhelpme]

leave

[livebyfaith]

I've been married for 6 years. And have felt alone most of it. Husband prefers to be at work than home. He a pilot who flies around the rich and famous, and stays in only the nicest places. He lives a glamourous life, gets drunk with the other guys, uses fowl language. Up till a couple years ago I was discovering pornography here and there. I wonder if he is just hiding it better now.

Last week he came home with an extremely strong smell of perfume on his shirt. Now he wears street close instead of uniform to work, showers at work, and also changes before he comes home. He's says it's to avoid traffic.

When he's home he just talks down to me and critizices me in front of 2 kids. He doesn't talk to me, walks away when I try, and really doesn't add anything to my life except a paycheck.

I want out of the marriage but have been waiting on God to give me proof of infidelity. Do I have enough reason already. I would greatly appreciate your advice.
Thanks,
Lucy27

If you can prove that he has been unfaithful you have biblical grounds to divorce him and have spiritual freedom to remarry.

BUT, have you been actively praying and fasting on his behalf? Are you saved? Is he?

The Lord wants to see an all-out effort to save your marriage because He hates divorce.

I stayed married to my first husband 17 years, prayed and cried the first infidelity but ended it when I found many others. It tried first.

And if you do suspect infidelity, GET YOURSELF TESTED!!! The Bible says for us to be wise as the world is wise! If he wants intimacy and you accept make sure you use a condom every time!!!

Great post hisredeemed

Matthew 5:32
But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Sexual Immorality is grounds for Divorce.

Now a little about me.

Prior to becoming saved I was not such a great guy.
I was an alcoholic. While I never cheated on my wife, she prayed and fasted for me.
The Lord delivered me from my afflictions OVER NIGHT!

I never took any 3 step program.

I took the one step program. The Jesus Program!

However if you have prayed and fasted about this, and you can indeed prove without a shadow of a doubt there was adultery, then indeed you have the grounds.

Regards,
D

[missterry]

I've been married for 6 years. And have felt alone most of it. Husband prefers to be at work than home. He a pilot who flies around the rich and famous, and stays in only the nicest places. He lives a glamourous life, gets drunk with the other guys, uses fowl language. Up till a couple years ago I was discovering pornography here and there. I wonder if he is just hiding it better now.

Last week he came home with an extremely strong smell of perfume on his shirt. Now he wears street close instead of uniform to work, showers at work, and also changes before he comes home. He's says it's to avoid traffic.

When he's home he just talks down to me and critizices me in front of 2 kids. He doesn't talk to me, walks away when I try, and really doesn't add anything to my life except a paycheck.

I want out of the marriage but have been waiting on God to give me proof of infidelity. Do I have enough reason already. I would greatly appreciate your advice.
Thanks,
Lucy27
Lucy,

I can completely relate to this type of situation. Am in the process of divorcing my husband of 6 years (coincidentally). He was never home, always preferred to hang out with other people (often women he claimed were "just friends), gave me many occasions to suspect his behavior, and finally I found out all my suspicions (and then some) were true after I discovered he had fathered a baby by a young woman who was like a daughter to me. I, like you, felt alone through most of the marriage, and also he criticized, demeaned, and talked down to me when he was home. The story is much longer, but you get the idea. I only can tell you that you need to seek the Lord and the advice of a wiser and older spiritually in-tune woman (perhaps your pastor's wife). The Lord will lead you to the answer, as He did me, and if it is time for you to release this man from your heart and life, God will give you SPECIFIC DIRECTION. Just be paying attention when He gives you the answer. God bless you and may He heal your broken heart and give you grace to get through whatever comes.

[OneJoe]

You've been married for six years...congratulations. That is certainly longer than most couples seem to stay married these days. I'm not sure why you feel alone really. Knowing Christ is always with us should be enough comfort. I also understand your husband prefers to be at work. This is no proof he does not like to be around you. It could be just that he enjoys his job and working. Believe it or not, some men actually work and enjoy it. He could be one of the many men who do not work and bring in money for the family and sit back and watch his family suffer because of it. If your husband is a pilot, I can see where he would enjoy his job.

Getting drunk, fowl language, pornography, etc....is no reason to justify your own desires for a divorce. Your husband may very well be leading a life of sin and will suffer the consequence for his actions, but so will you for divorcing him.

Last week he came home with an extremely strong smell of perfume on his shirt. Now he wears street close instead of uniform to work, showers at work, and also changes before he comes home. He's says it's to avoid traffic.

If your husband spends much time around upper class people as you said and spends much time in nice places, then it would be no surprise if he had the scent of someone else's cologne or perfume on him. Even if he was cheating on you, does this justify your actions?

When he's home he just talks down to me and critizices me in front of 2 kids. He doesn't talk to me, walks away when I try, and really doesn't add anything to my life except a paycheck.

Would this have anything to do with your theory he is cheating? If so, it would certainly explain his reluctance to talk to you.

I want out of the marriage but have been waiting on God to give me proof of infidelity. Do I have enough reason already. I would greatly appreciate your advice.
It doesn't sound like your waiting Lucy. It sounds like you already have your mind made up. You have posted on a Christian forum so I suspect your asking for a Christian perspective. You want to know if you have enough reason and you also are waiting for an answer from God? Well, lets see what God has to say about the matter shall we?

Lets look at the Holy Bible, God's inspired word, handed down to men who wrote under the inspiration of God as he breathed the law of the land. Lets look at the scriptures as the only authority of God's word and you judge in yourself whether your actions are righteous......

1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

Mat 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation(behavior) of the wives;

1Pe 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation(behavior) coupled with fear.

The scriptures I have posted here apply to many women today, not just yourself. All marriages are joined in Holy Matrimony under the one true God. People are quick to marry and even quicker to divorce, despite clear scriptures which state a person should not divorce. A woman is quick to divorce over simple characteristics of her husband and some things which she is not even sure about. Would it be fitting for God to divorce one his children because he/she did something wrong? You do as you wish, but you will never justify your sins using someone else's actions.

[OneJoe]

Pro 28:9 He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer shall be abomination.

[leviahiel]

well good luck. be direct and pray on a course of action. when God gives you the truth be prepared to handle it one wasy or another.