New here - my story

[gsmom]

I found this site while searching for a Christian message board that had a forum about marriage. I feel comforted already just knowing that I am among other Christians and not alone in my struggle.

My husband recently told me he wanted a divorce. I knew we had been having problems for a few months but he felt like we had for years. When we met I knew he was Catholic but not "religious". As the years went by, he got to where he didn't believe in God at all. He didn't mind that the kids and I did and he truly didn't understand our faith in God. Our different beliefs are not what "caused" the divorce though.

A few months ago we got into an argument and both said we weren't sure we wanted to continue in the marriage. After much praying, I knew that I did want to salvage it. We decided together that I would change jobs so I could be home more so we could work on our problems. A month later, out of the blue, he told me he wanted a divorce. He still doesn't know what made him say it at that particular moment. It just popped out. He had planned on being content for another year or so.

As it turns out, he had gone to an adult dating website and met someone a year or so earlier. They met in person and she got pregnant. He continued the relationship with her, all the while pretending like our marriage was fine until a few months before it all came out. He plans to marry her as soon as our divorce is final. Also, I found out later that he had been having an affair with someone at work and ended that the same day he left me.

I went through the normal routine. I handed it to God (not really), questioned my faith when I kept getting hit with more stuff and then really did turn it over to God. I have prayed almost constantly but some days it just seems like he isn't listening. I am sooooooo overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to do and all the stuff that keeps coming out about my husband. All I want to do is talk to God all the time. My work is behind, my house reeks, my son has to do laundry because I forget to do it. My daughter is having her own issues with it.

I know that God will not give me more than I can bear; nor will he foresake me. Some days I just wonder how much more I can endure though.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a little background because I'm sure I'll be hanging around here quite a bit.

[Shabatowski]

gsmom,

I can relate A LOT to your story, and just want to encourage you to stick close to Him...especually when it seems like He not listening or even there! For me, it seemed that just when I thought was gonna absolutely lose my mind, and couldn't bear anything more...God either found a way to show me the blessings that are already in my life, or provided a new blessing to hold onto. Be strong in Him, and always find the joy in the chaos!! My prayers are with you!

[Tom]

“out of the blue, he told me he wanted a divorce. He still doesn't know what made him say it at that particular moment. It just popped out. He had planned on being content for another year or so”

No, gsmom, it wasn’t “out of the blue.” He wasn’t planning on “being content” for another year. That proclamation was in coordination with those “women” who don’t have any problem braking-up your family. Probably the “woman” he plans to marry after he dumps you. OK. Now, let’s talk about your fellowship with God.

Funny thing I discovered about God, in my old age: “Handing” your problems over to God doesn’t work well. He tends to hand them back to you. That’s because, like a good parent, he doesn’t want to fix things for you. He wants to give you the guidance and strength to fix them yourself.

Many Christians will tell you to just “turn your problems over to God,” and He will take care of them for you but, those Christians have done a lot more reading and listening to others about God than they have actually experiencing how He works.

So, if you’re waiting for God to get you out of this mess, you’re going to have a long and discouraging wait. I promise He will give you the guidance and strength to plow through the difficulties of your life but, you must pray for that guidance and strength; not for His direct intervention.

Your mind is (understandably) too focused on the stupid, immoral, devastating behavior of your husband, right now, for you to begin thinking clearly about what to do next. Pray for your own acknowledgement of your husband’s despicable behavior/character and for guidance and strength to get you through this, step-by-step.

Incidentally: Your son and daughter should be washing their own underwear. You have enough on your plate. They should help you clean the house. We used to call that “cleaning-up after ourselves” and “chores” when I was a kid. (Dinner was dependent on it) Get on with your work before it gets too far behind. We hope to hear from you, soon.

Tom

[Bouncinstar]

GsMom.. I am so glad you are here!! Your going to be ok girl.. Right now it may not seem like it.. and you feel you will never make it through.. but I know this to be true.. If you cast all of your cares upon Christ HE will give you comfort, HE will lightyour way and HE will never forsake you! I'm happy that you are talking with him all the time.. He is the best listener! If you should need to unload on someone get ahold of me at my email addy... I'm a pretty good listener too.
I just ended my relationship with my boyfriend.. He too was not what he seemed.. When our (my) focus is away from God, we (I) cant see the forrest for the trees (LoL) God's purpose for my life is the most important thing to me and I have to concentrate on Him.. Don't worry about all of the new truths about your husband.. He is not the one for you.. Stay strong in the Lord and lean on Him.. and then everything else will fall in line! God Bless You Lady I hope to see you around xo :beam Lisa

[Shabatowski]

Tom,

I've been following some threads that you have posted in, and I must say, this is the nicest, one you have posted yet :o) I agree with pretty much everything you say in your posts, but not the way you put them a lot of the time. I just wanted to say that I was happy to read this one, and hope to see more like them :o)
Many blessings to you!

[Tom]

"Tom,
I've been following some threads that you have posted in, and I must say, this is the nicest, one you have posted yet :o)"

I must have had a weak moment.