children and divorce

[John 14:13]

My husband of 30 years has told me to move out and he wants a divorce. He is having another affair (3rd that I know of). My children of 26 years and my youngest - 13 - seem to have turned away from me because of the hurtful things the husband has said about me. How can I help us to remove that wall -- I hurt so despartely -- I don't want to lose my chldren and my grandchildren. Why am I the outcast when he is having the affair.

[hisredeemed]

DO NOT LEAVE!!!

You are entitled to quite a bit for being married for so long. Get a lawyer NOW!

Shame on your children for turing away from the mother that loved and raised them. You have every right to feel hurt. Don't enter into any discussion with them. If they try to side with their father or put you down tell them in no uncertain terms it's your business alone and you will not discuss it with them. Then change the subject. DO NOT let these children treat you poorly!

Since you are not the spouse that cheated you hold all the cards. Get to your bank and find out what's in there. Take out half and put it into a new account in your name only before he tries anything funny. If he says he needs it for bills tell him to use the money he spends on his mistress.

I know we are Christians but even Jesus says to be wise as the world is wise! Wise as serpents and gentle as doves. Even 'Christian' men can have a mean streak. There is NOTHING in the Bible that says we are to be doormats!

Keep your head high. Behave with grace. NEVER enter into an arguement with him. NEVER discuss this with ANY of your children.

Seek godly counsel and pray without ceasing. I have been there and I can't tell you what I lost because I didn't protect myself sooner.

If you do divorce know you are spiritually free to remarry. Whatever your choice be sure not to make any changes or decisions until you have a bit of godly AND legal counsel under your belt!

I pray strength and wisdom for you.

[larry]

Dear sister in Christ, now I know why women kill their husbands. Please do not do that, but take Hisredeemed's advice and get a lawyer ASAP. Do not move out, because you forfeit all rights to your children, and could end up paying child support in most states; maybe all.

I will pray that things are favorable to you in judgments by the court. This is one game your husband has played, where he should have been out after one struike, though two for sure; he is not going to repent and do that which is right.

God bless you, and stay faithful to the Lord in this testing of your faith. His great grace surely remains for all in not taking your whole family for their disgraceful behavior. The Lord knows your tears, and is always there for you in Jesus' name - larry

[larry]

I'm just bumping this back to the front to go with the two other letters on the same subtect.

[Tom]

This comment based on all three letters:

“Why do I feel like the outcast when it's my husband that continues the affair?”

Because, you are the outcast. Your husband has appallingly made you the outcast and somehow gotten you to go along with his antics. Since the three of you seem to be in some kind of informal separation and custody agreement, it’s not difficult to see why your son thinks it’s all about preference and lust rather than responsibility.

Stop being so docile and accommodating with regard to your husband’s dreadful behavior. You act like he has some kind of “right” to do this. He doesn’t. He can’t be “done with the marriage” just because he decides he is. Force him to be the husband he promised to be 33 years ago, or force him to file for divorce. Start by getting divorce (legal) counsel of your own. Get control of as many financial assets as possible, for your own self protection. Hisredeemed and Larry are both right (above).

Don’t try to appease your husband in hopes of your son “visiting” more often. Don’t try to compete with your husband by giving your son more things. Your son is safe, for the time being, with his dad. Fight for your legal and moral rights. Your children will respect you for it, later. Pray for guidance and strength.