What would you do?

[AS300]

If you recently found out that your husband had been covering up an affair for over a year -- do you think you could forgive him and stay together? Even if you didn't see much change in his attitude after he knew you found out? :(

[Haeker]

Quick reply? No.

If he has no interest in changing his attitude about it, then his love for you is not what it should be, and you deserve so much better. The man God has for you would respect you better and be far more considerate and honorable.

That's what I think...


-Joshua

[Tom]

“If you recently found out that your husband had been covering up an affair for over a year -- do you think you could forgive him and stay together? Even if you didn't see much change in his attitude after he knew you found out?”

If you didn’t see much change in his attitude, it’s because he didn’t see much change in your attitude.

If my wife had any evidence I “had been covering up an affair for over a year,” I’d find myself sitting on the curb in front of my house with one change of clothes, a bottle of water and a roll of toilet paper. The locks would be changed and there would be a sign on the door stating “burglars will be shot.” My attitude would be a whole lot different.

Don’t expect him to take this any more seriously than you do.

Tom

[Haeker]

You don't control your husband's heart, however. You can make it blatantly and painfully obvious that you won't tollerate this sort of behavior, but if his heart isn't where it should be or he doesn't care enough about you or his marriage, then he will continue to do what he wants, regardless. Only God can change the heart of a person.

Like Tom said, you should definately grill him over this, but if his heart isn't where it should be, you'll just find more of the same.


-Joshua

[luke]

AS300,

Consider that I am going through a similar situation with my wife currently. It is very hard to forgive someone for an affair. It has tested my convictions and beliefs about marriage to the max, but I have decided to try to pick up the pieces of my marriage and put my heart and soul into the relationship. Here is my advice. If you don't think you can fully forgive your husband, then you are not ready to work on your marriage. Get yourself to a place of honest forgiveness before you take another step. Ask every question about the affair and be satisfied with the answers before you move forward. If you move forward with unanswered questions you will carry them around in your heart and you will not be happy. I believe a marriage can survive an affair, but only if the root cause is addressed. The difficult part is that much of the outcome relies on your husband. If he is unwilling to change his ways and continues his behavior, I would work with my minister and lawyer to rectify the situation. Make this clear to him. If the minister doesn't impress him, I'm sure the lawyer will.

Best of luck

Luke

[AS300]

Thanks for your advice. My husband and I are limping along, keeping up the facade of happily-married-couple -- and my heart is breaking. I am trying to be active in dealing with this, we've started counseling, but some days I just want to run away from it all. I never dreamed I'd be dealing with this. Thanks for all the support.