Why is it so difficult to find a good woman?

[Silver]

I'm male, 36, single, never married, and have no children.

Why is it so difficult for me to find women who have moral standards? It doesn't matter where I go, or what I do, whether they are believers or not, many seem the same in that if they are single, all they want to do is "party" and / OR conform to other worldly things. I don't think my standards are too high because the great majority of them are biblical based.

I want a woman who: does not drink, does not smoke, does not use recreational drugs, and does not have or advocate tattoos and weird body piercings.

Good luck finding that combination in my locale! It's hard enough to find someone who follows just ONE of the above, let alone all five! I see a lot of women at church(es), both my age and younger, who have one or more tattoos and have no modesty in showing them off.

My other major deal breaker is workaholics. Earning a living is one thing. Allowing work to become an idol is another thing all-together and is wrong. Seems the majority of people these days, regardless of age, gender, or status, are LIVING TO WORK, by their own choice, instead of WORKING TO LIVE. I understand the cost of living is very high in today's world, but I can't stand when people WORSHIP the timeclock and their paychecks. It reeks of arrogant self-glorification, "Look at ME! I'M successful!" No humilty at all.

My list of standards might seem long, but it really boils down to two simple principles: Living a clean lifestyle and balancing one's time.

I know the bible says being single can be a blessing, but it more often feels like a curse. I don't need a woman in my life, but I do WANT one, and I'm beginning to lose all hope of ever finding another one.

[larry]

Dear Brother Silver, you are not too picky, and it seems you have your head on straight, and have matured to your age level. One of the principle things that hurt even Christians are their past choices.

Many that have had drugs, or any other vices, remain in a sort of fantasy eternal state of youth. Their minds always revert back to what they thought were good times in the world. They are, and many times remain carnal Christians still needing the milk of the word.

There are a lot of Christians that say that worldly music for instance doesn't affect them; yes it does. It brings you in contact with memories of the past, and the same goes for tattoos, body piercing, etc. They have not made a full separation from the world yet, though that is removed in all of us by God as we grow in grace and knowledge of Christ.

Waiting on the right wife shown you by the Lord, is the best thing you will ever do for your own good, next to giving God your life. A good and loving wife is worth waiting for, and more precious than rubies. If you have not read it lately, reread Proverbs 31:10-31 that shows the qualities of a virtuous woman. God bless you brother in your search in Jesus' blessed name - larry

[Haeker]

I understand, friend. I'm only 20, myself, but save for my church youth group and a couple others, I haven't met any girls that would even come close to my standards - and all I want is a girl with a heart for the Lord, wisdom to guard her heart and her body, and loyalty and dedication to Jesus first and me second. I would love for her to be a virgin, but if she has a heart for Jesus and she's dedicated to me, as well as to being pure, then she's already as pure as a virgin in my eyes.

Where are they? I don't know. But I do know that as I seek the Lord and prepare myself for her - and as He prepares Me - I'll eventually find her (or rather, He will point her out to me).

Praise the Lord, I can't wait...


-Joshua

[Tom]

“I want a woman who: does not drink, does not smoke, does not use recreational drugs, and does not have or advocate tattoos and weird body piercings” “a clean lifestyle”

Silver: Look at the math: Only about 12% of people your age meet your very appropriate, virtuous standards. Half (6%) are women. Half of those (3%) are single. Two thirds of those otherwise qualifying women (2%) claim to be Christians. Half of those self described good Christian women your age (1%) aren’t carrying overwhelming baggage that will make the rest of your life miserable. One tenth of those women remaining are actually gay or bi-sexual and can’t understand why you’re being such a judgmental Christian. That leaves less than 1% of those you meet as a possible good mate. Half of those won’t qualify because you were conned about one of the facts, above. Answer: Persistence and patience. Do you have a good dog?

Tom

[Shabatowski]

Tom,
That was a great response! and sadly, probably quite true! ut let me tell you, that it is just as difficult to find a godly man! Perhaps we just need to continue to be patient and obedient to God and His will for our lives! I'll be praying for you! and it's too bad you guys live so far away! ;o)

[Lordhelpme]

I myself being a woman, am married. My husband told me when we got married that he thought he's never find a wife, and I told my husband that when I prayed to God I asked God for a man that would be a good father, faithly to me until death, noble, strong, and will love me like Christ loved the church. Although after my mother died I felt lonely and depressed for a moment was tempted and satan knew I was at my weakest, so did my father GOD.


I met my husband 1 year later after my mother died. I was cleaning my house with acne cream on my face, a scarf on my head, rubber gloves on my hands and dirty baggy clothes on. I had no interest in meeting anyone. I wasn't interested.

After we started dating and asked him why did he keep coming around I didn't look pretty for him. I did not put on makeup in the beginning. So he said he saw me. He didn't see the hair, makeup, fake smile and pretend. He saw a woman of God. I asked him how'd he know he said I was peculiar and it had to be God, because normally he wouldn't have been interested. When I did get myself cleaned up he said, that's the beauty that I always saw.

To make a long story short, if you are looking for a wife, pray for her. Make sure you are ready to be a husband: faithful, committed, strong, trustworthy, a good father, etc. You represent Christ and you will be the head, and you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church that He gave His life.

Remember don't look at the exterior entirely. Remember Ruth.

When a man finds a wife he finds a good thing.

Hopefully this helps. God Bless you.

[Lilly]

i read this and i think most men i've ever known want beauty and "entertainment", nothing else - when i ceased to be that ideal, that was the end of that. worse case scenarios you don't want to know about; let's just say a whole lot of pain and disappointment: including the one met @ church. i go to gatherings and the women there who have been left or whatever usually outnumber the men 3 to 1. i don't know that i am all that odd or different, and very humbly speaking i tried my darnedest to be everything that i should be - working around problems i have personally - and found that wasn't what was wanted. i wish Godspeed in finding someone, and wanted to let you know that i know there are many women out there looking for good men and not having any luck. God bless.

[Lordhelpme]

Leave it in Gods's hands. I'm telling you. If you listen to mans statistics and reasoning you are doomed. Trust God for your wife, He knows everything. He know what you want, what you need and when you need it. Stop letting man tell you that what you want is impossible, that's the same trash they told me. Now is my husband perfect NO!! But he's perfect for me. I wanted someone who loved God, who didn't smoke and drink and tatoo and recreational drugs and I have it.

I'm telling you BELIEVE IN HIM, and you won't be dissapointed.

[m.o.m.]

Hey Silver, from a woman's perspective, I know many many women who bemoan their prospects of ever finding a "good and godly man." All I can tell you is a cautionary tale from my own experience. I got impatient and didn't wait on the Lord and I made some bad choices. I pray that you will wait. God will either bring you a helpmate or give you the strength to remain single. It is much better to be single than to marry out of His will. While God's wonderful grace allowed me to have two wonderful children, I can still see the affect of having been married to their alcoholic father. I will pray for you, Silver, that God's will will be done in your life.

God bless!

m.o.m.

[Tychicus]

Dont give up Silver it is not easy to find a good woman especially now a days in Proverbs 31:10-
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth more than rubies.

We are told to have faith and if we believe our prayers will be answered. I know it is not easy I often pray Lord I have faith so please give me faith!

[ynned]

i know where you are coming from, i'm 26 now and never been married either.
all of my friends are married, and until not long ago, i wondered the same things that you are wondering now.
the conclusions that i have reached are, God is in control, He and only He (not me or anyone else) will know when i am ready for a wife and kids.
God has His reasons why both of us are still single, He may have plans for us that require that we be single for a while, or maybe forever.
it may be that we are not ready for marriage, or are wanting marriage for the wrong reasons.
there is an unmeasurably large ammount of reasons that may be why God has not allowed us to meet wives yet.
all i know is that God loves us, and will bless us for doing His will, and punish us for not doing His will also.
i trust that God, when the time is right and we are truly ready, and if it is His will, will allow us to meet good wives.
untill then, (and after;) ) pray.
i do know how you feel, it gets lonely at times, especialy when everyone around you seems to be married, and your always by yourself, but always remember that God is there with you and He loves you, and you can talk to Him at any time.

Denny

[simmu]

being single is not a sin, but i can also see that you are looking for "the perfect", and no your standards are not too high but it seems you want someone exactly like you and thats unlikely to happen. sometimes God provides us with oppotunities and we start crutinising and judging,mumbling and grumbling. i think you should give pple a chance. some women were tatooed in their Before Christ days and now are born again and the tatoo has been cleanesed, God came for the sinner and everyday we yern to be like him. i think before you start determaining who's right for you, think of what Jesus would have done and i promise you things will work out. there is no such thing as a "perfect" person

[Bouncinstar]

I have the same trouble finding good men. They either have too much emotional baggage, lack work ethic, lack drive and ambition, live with their mama's, are just users or just want sex. Oh, and those were the christian men I listed. I won't even bother with the non-believers! I'm 37 and have quit looking.. If God wants me married, He will send him. If not, I will focus on the missionary field.

[blueheron32]

If God wants me married, He will send him. If not, I will focus on the missionary field.

And the mission field, ie. the kingdom of God is a spouse, worthy of the commitment for a lifetime.. God bless you bouncing star...and enjoy your anticipated rest in Gods country.... Dont forget to take a good book...:-)

blue...

[Bouncinstar]

I agree Blue, and I might take a couple of books ..if your willing to recommend some safe ones :D Tysm and God Bless Ya too Lisa

[blueheron32]

I have found books by charles spurgeon to be very enjoyable and profitable reading....there are many available and have never read a bad one... Luthers, bondage of the will is an excellent one for a more challenging read.... I have enjoyed an american theologian by the name of Gordon Clark... there are about thirty or forty books by him available... John Calvin is a name that often produces a negative reaction, but if you can find some books of his sermons, you will be blessed....he surely possesed a pastors heart... there are so many...:-) so many books, so little time....

blue

[seekwfaith]

I've been in church for ages now and seeing so many nice single women freaks me. I personally know quite a number of them and I know they don't have the gift of celibacy and longing for relationship and family. Me too. The problem is we couldn't find nice godly men in the church (who are not too weird). May be I should qualify that statement since I have been out with 2 Christian men. Things didn't work out and I'm waiting for God to send the right good Christian man.

The 1st problem with men is that the girl must be attractive before they seek out her qualities. 2nd problem (with godly men) is they think God will do the work for them, some even wait for an audible confirmation from God.

I'm successful too. Unable to rely on man, God became my provider. I've got a career, a humble apartment, a car and a ministry in church. I don't smoke, I don't drink, i don't gamble, I don't swear but still..... I'm single. I'm not super pretty like Pamela Anderson but I reckon I'm fairly alright. So, what's the problem, do I intimidate guys?

I've been thinking and thinking and thinking and I'm back to the conclusion that I just got to wait and trust in God. Same as you, I don't need 5 wrong men, I just need ONE Mr Right.

I do know the feeling of falling into doubt sometimes (just make sure it's not all the time) but take heart. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37:4). I also shared with my cell group about Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego (Daniel's friends) trusting God for deliverance and their powerful statement that even if God doesn't deliver them, they will remain loyal!

Seek God!

[Dori]

Dear Silver: I can make only a suggestion, as I know many, many women who meet all of the "standards" you set for your ideal. Stop looking at the outward manifestations as YOU perceive that they should be and start being open to the Lord's leading in finding a mate who simply loves the Lord.

I can tell you that most of the women who would meet the laundry list of requirements you set out, wouldn't be interested in you; because they include in their requirements for a mate, one who would love them unconditionally, and humbly lead them in the ways of Christ. Humility and love are the two things that are notably lacking in your post.

I am happily married to a wonderful man who follows Christ faithfully and leads me lovingly in obedience to the Lord. I would hate to think that he would not have pursued a relationship with me if I failed to perfectly meet some legalistic standard loosely, if at all, related to the one true standard we must all meet....to love and honor our Lord. (I have never smoked, do not drink, have no tattoos and have pierced ears but no other piercings)

I hope you will find the girl of your dreams....More importantly, I hope you will be open to the mate God has in mind for you when she appears.

Lovingly in His Name,
Dori

[gracerecvd]

dear silver, don't look for gold in the "WORLD" look to his word.it says you recieve not because you ask not. ask our heavenly father, he is the only one who can give you your hearts desire, not to mention everything else. if we do it ourselves we will inevitably mess it up, so look to him and pray for a WIFE... i too feel the same way at times but i'm building my faith and praying and believeing and thanking him for it everyday.