Happily married, but....

[Brooke]

I’ve been happily married to a good Christian man for about four years. He demonstrates straightforward moral and family values, just as he did during the two years before we married.

There is one thing about our marriage that bothers me a little. It may be my conscience talking to me. I would really like the Christian perspective of other married Christians, now that we are planning to have our first child: Our intimate relationship is a very good one. However, he likes me to do things (for him to see in private) which I would have considered very flirtatious and wanton before I married. It usually involves dressing and posing in a manner that I would never do in public.

Do you think this could be a problem for our marriage and our family? Is this a “red flag” that I should look into counseling about? Or, am I just over-analyzing a slightly unusual desire of an otherwise good man? I don't think it's appropriate to talk with my parents or my sister about this.

[kellymarie]

Brooke,hey.I may be considered wrong for telling you this.Men are very visual,and they do like to watch us.I don't see anything wrong with what you and your husband are doing.As long as it does not involve physical pain,or talking down to you or him.God designed us to enjoy being with our husbands and wives.He didn't just make us to where we are here only to have babies.We are sexual beings,and God made us that way.He wants us to have union with our spouses.But men are different from us women.They love to see us,and yes in a seductive way too.Your husband is normal.Have fun with the man God gave you.But if you feel threatened talk to him.You are not threatening your future baby.My husband and I have been married five years now,and I thought it was strange too that he'd want to watch me so much.But it's not.And see,you are together.The divorce rate is so high now,and all these people are out cheating on each other.But you two are doing good.Just enjoy him for being a normal man.

[larry]

Dear sister in the Lord Brooke, Kelly Marie was correct in how she said men are visual. Men love through their mind to get to their hearts, whereas women think directly with their heart. As your husband says sweet things to you, you are thrilled right to the heart, and when he sees you with his eyes, he is thrilled; then his heart is overcome too. You must both learn how and want to please one another. I have been married 49 years, and God just makes us love one another more each day. You should never stop looking for ways to please him, and you will find many rewards in doing so. This present world puts pressure on us by the things we see presented as normal, and they simply are not, but they are there. Love your husband with all your heart, and praise God for him.

These following verses are not necessarily in context to what you are looking for, but hope they help. Hope you will stick around with us here at Christian Chat Forum.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled:

1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

1 Corinthians 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband

May God bless you with the marriage you want. Be submissive to your husband and God, and you will have a marriage others want. All praise to God in the highest through the name of Jesus - larry

[Tom]

“I’ve been happily married to a good Christian man for about four years”

Brooke: That will be your bottom line, rather than your first line, when you get your head straight on this issue.

“he likes me to do things (for him to see in private) which I would have considered very flirtatious and wanton before I married. It usually involves dressing and posing in a manner that I would never do in public”

Enjoy your husband enjoying you. That’s the way it’s supposed to be, Brooke.

“am I just over-analyzing a slightly unusual desire of an otherwise good man?”

You’re over-analyzing a normal desire of a happily married, satisfied man.

“Do you think this could be a problem for our marriage and our family?”

No. Get on with it.

[Haeker]

Peace, Tom. I'm very proud of Brooke. Do you want to know why?

Nowadays, there are so many girls and women who do the exact opposite - throw their hearts and bodies out into the world to be gauked at and lusted over. Here we have a woman after my heart and the Lord's: she wants to do what is right in her marriage and in her walk with God. Though I believe her fears are misplaced, she is wise to consider the ways of the Lord in all things.

Brooke, as the others have said, it is perfectly fine to seduce and entice your husband with your body. In the confines of the bedroom - when husband and wife have come together - you should feel free. If you still feel uncomfortable for some reason, discuss it with the person you should already have great communication with in the first place - your husband. The two of you can come to an agreement of what to do that will make both of you happy.


-Joshua

[ANT2185]

I’ve been happily married to a good Christian man for about four years. He demonstrates straightforward moral and family values, just as he did during the two years before we married.

There is one thing about our marriage that bothers me a little. It may be my conscience talking to me. I would really like the Christian perspective of other married Christians, now that we are planning to have our first child: Our intimate relationship is a very good one. However, he likes me to do things (for him to see in private) which I would have considered very flirtatious and wanton before I married. It usually involves dressing and posing in a manner that I would never do in public.

Do you think this could be a problem for our marriage and our family? Is this a “red flag” that I should look into counseling about? Or, am I just over-analyzing a slightly unusual desire of an otherwise good man? I don't think it's appropriate to talk with my parents or my sister about this.
i understand your veiws on this. however, there is no harm in roll playing. maybe he's trying to keep it interesting so you don't get bored. sometimes i do things for and to my wife that normally i wouldn't just to keep her excitement. you never mentioned if you liked it or not. if you do its fine, no harm. if you don't you should tell him and not lead him on

[Brooke]

Thank you all so much. I took your advice and I changed my thinking and everything is good now. Yes we enjoy it now. :r

[kellymarie]

Good for you Brooke!We love to hear people give us updates.I wondered how you were doing and how your marriage is going.That is so good to hear all this from you.CCF is a neat place to be with God loving folks,join us sometime if you want.

[hisredeemed]

Hi Brooke,

Yes, Christians can have very lively, creative sex lives, as long as they are married.

As long as you are not including other people, farm animals or anything that denigrates either spouse it is A-okay.

Some Christians even shop at Fredericks of Hollywood:-O ! Some use 'accoutrements':-O :-O :-O

As long as it it agreeable to both spouses it is acceptable. The Word says the marriage bed is undefiled.

Enjoy your husband and have some fun with it yourself!

[knowledge]

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is an honourable in all, and let not the bed be undefiled: But whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Also read 1corinthians chapter 7 and pray for revelation

[crossway7]

From a male perspective I learned the hard way to listen to the feelings of my wife. You are not being heard and it is probably in the bedroom. This leads to insecurities. When your opinion's are not being heard. I did this to my wife it is called a shame cycle no grace. He must lead the family by taking up his cross and leading in weakness. Pray for the cross to manifest in your husband. God reveals feelings in my wife so I may interceed for her. Husbands have missed their responsiblity to lead with the cross. He needs to be broken pray for his weakness.

The cross-blessings