Needing some advice

[j33butterfly]

I have been with a man for 2 years and for the past year, things have not been going well. He has had trouble with the law in the past, so it is hard for him to accomplish some basic things in life. But it seems like he does not feel like he needs to get a job to help me support our home and family. My mind, body, and soul are so very tired. I feel like giving up sometimes, and I feel like if I did not have my children that I would have. I dont want god to bless me with material things. I want him to just bless me with a peace of mind and some happiness before I leave this earth. I have been praying to God that if this is not the man for me, than to remove him out of my life. He told me the other day that I was pressuring him to get married, when before, he was the one talking about marriage. My mind knows that I should not be with this man because he doesn't like my children(12,6,4),but my heart feels like I can not let him go. I keep thinking that he will realize how much we love him and he will change. But I know that he is not. How can he get mad at me because I ask him to get a job and help me out? I just dont know what to do anymore!!!

[allie001]

j33butterfly, my heart and prayers go out to you and your children. You are living in a very difficult situation as I'm sure you realize! First off, don't blame your self for asking for help from him! It sounds like you're doing all you can but you alone can not "fix" things! It takes 2 people to have a good realationship. Take it from me, I know! My husband of 12 yrs. left me 6 months ago. We had it all, jobs, money, cars, nice home, beautful kids but it wasn't enough for him. You're right material things don't matter! I have done everything and anything to make things right but it's not me! I can only change who I am. I can not change him! It seems that is the same with you! You are trying to make a good life for you and your kids but if he is not willing to do the same there is not much you can do! I know that may sound harsh, I don't mean it to, honest! The reality of the situation is it doesn't matter how much you love him and want him to change, if he doesn't want to there is nothing you can do! It is so hard to love some one and not get the same back! Please don't give up (easier said than done, I know) try to stand strong for you and your kids! I know it's hard to keep praying to God and it seems like He is not listening but when you least expect it something good will come to you! Keep the faith! May God bless you and your family. allie001

[larry]

My advice is that getting him out of your life would leave one less child to feed. You are in a relationship that God has not made you one flesh, and you will never be happy. Any saddness you may feel for a short time will be rewarded many times over if you start following God.

Start a new life, and depend on the Lord to help you make right decisions for you, and your children's futures. Make sure to get advice so as to not lose your children in the move.

May God bless you and give you the wisdom to do the right thing in Jesus' name - larry

[Spirit_filled]

There is some basic information missing in this message that if provided,would make it easier to provide good advice.For instance,the phrase "been with a man" and your desire to "help me support our home and family" usually indicate that a pre-marital sexual relationship is on-going but that is not stated.In addition,children are mentioned but what happened to their father is not.These are vital pieces of information because pre-marital sex and re-marriage prior to the death of one's spouse is not permitted for Christians.

The fact that you are asking God to remove your boyfriend from your life if he is not the right person for you can create problems if you are engaging in fornication or are divorced rather than widowed.Asking God to remove sin from your life seldom will work because God expects us to do that ourselves and He regards our failure to do so,a sign of spiritual weakness.Asking God to give you more spiritual and moral strength so that you can follow Jesus' teachings is a prayer that He will answer if you are sincere in your request.

[kellymarie]

Even though the Bible says for people not to engage in fornication,praise the Lord,that He does not condemn us.He forgives us.God will not turn His back on you.The sin part is not just up to us.We all have temptations,and so we should cry out to Jesus in that moment,and He will help us in the time of need.There is no temptation that Jesus cannot sympathize with and He is more than willing to provide us a way out of it,because He was a man,but a sinless man,so He is our example.The God I worship is a loving God,not a condemning God who turns His back on us because we may have sex without being married,or get divorced and remarried,before the spouse dies.Sin is sin all of it is the same to God.The main thing is to love God with all your heart,and trust Him that He will take care of you.Butterfly,God doesn't turn his back on you because you may or may not be married.God loves you.But God also wants you to have a better life.If you have not allowed Jesus into your heart,I would say to do that.God will forgive your sins and make a better life for you,and your children.Get out of bad relationships,and if you are not married to this man,cut it off.If you are,you do have to love this man,and lift him up.I hope everything turns around for you and your family.

[Bren]

Butterfly,
I agree with Larry. Get out of there.
If you marry an unbeliever, you are bound to him in God's eyes.
Thinking you can love someone into changing is noble thinking, but if you're tired now, how are you going to feel 10-20 years from now when nothing has changed? I'll tell you how.
Your going to be under conviction all the time because you want to leave and according to God's law, you can't.

II Corinthians 6:14... Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

I've been in your place. I prayed the same prayer.
Put your children first or you will regret it when the relationship eventually comes to an end - and it will. Don't take attention from your children and give it to a man who sucks the life out of you and doesn't have any respect for them. It will affect their lives forever. My girls are grown now but the environment I chose for them to grow up in messed them up in their own relationships.
Be an example for your children. They will grow up looking for what they're used to being around - it's their "comfort" zone. Choose a zone that will have a positive affect on their future.

Let go of this man and ask God to forgive you for sinning with him and wait for the rightious man God has picked out for you.
Clear the way for God to work in your life. You know how He is. He doesn't like to put new wine in old wine skins!
love,
bren

[amoryleigh]

i'm sorry for the hard time you are having i have been through a simular situation.

[natasha]

Butterfly,

I would advise you to not walk but run out of this relationship please do not think about yourself your children are young they need an intact mother, that loves her children enough to do the very best for them. Put God first and yourself last on the list

[Tom]

“he does not feel like he needs to get a job to help me support our home and family”

Butterfly: He’s right. He doesn’t need to get a job to support you, your home and your family.

Don’t ask your shack-up boyfriend (accent on “boy”) to give this “relationship” more respect than you do. Being a paid prostitute isn’t much better than being an unpaid prostitute. You gave this bum free access to your home, your kids and your bed. Now you expect him to get a job and cough-up money!? You want to act like this is a legitimate family relationship. It isn’t.

“He has had trouble with the law in the past”

No. He hasn’t had “trouble” with the law. He’s a criminal. Does that sound like a good choice for your kids to “love?”


“I have been praying to God that if this is not the man for me, than to remove him out of my life”
It’s your job to remove him from your life; not God’s.


“I want him to just bless me with a peace of mind and some happiness before I leave this earth”

Here’s your chance for that: Evict the leach. Get two large male friends/relatives to help you, if necessary. Move to a another place, if necessary. Do it now.

Don’t think about marring a criminal who can’t even “accomplish some basic things in life” and support himself; let alone you and your children.

You can repair this situation over-night. You can be forgiven by God for your stupid, immoral decisions. You’ll be better-off, financially. You’ll be on the short road to “peace of mind and some happiness.” Will it be easy? No. So what? Get on with it.

Tom