I want to know what women think about....

[hearthammer]

I have been having problems in my marriage recently. We are both committed to making it work. It has thus far been an arduous task. My wife is having a hard time communicating what she wants to make her happy.

I want to know what your a good husband is to you ladies. What could I do differently. Any tips or pointers from women would be helpful and appreciated. Thank you in advance: Take care and God Bless You. In Jesus precious Name.

[Rylee]

Every woman is different. Honestly. It would be so hard for a woman to tell you exactly what to do, because the next woman you ask will tell you something different, and the woman after that will tell you something different, and so on and so forth. My most helpful advice, I believe, would be to not only listen to what she says verbally, but watch her body language. I say so much with my body language, as do most women. If I'm angry at my boyfriend, or trying to tell him something that I'm not able to communicate, I'll tell him with my body language. I wish that he would make more of an effort to pay attention not only to what I say, but do what I do. It certainly would make my life easier. Also, I've noticed that men will listen to what their wife has to say, and then put their own spin on it because they think they have a better idea of what she wants than she does. Just listen to what she says, and don't put your own interpretation on it, because then you've turned it in to how you feel, not how she feels.

Something to help your wife: have her start writing. If I'm having trouble putting my thoughts in to verbal form, I'll start randomly writing. Sometimes it'll start off as a poem, sometimes a rant... but most of the time, toward the end, I've written what I originally meant to say. It might help, even if just to get some bottled-up feelings out. You're both in my prayers, and stay strong in the Lord and He will watch over your marriage. God bless you both.

[larry]

Dear Hearthammer, I'm not a woman, but I know what keeps them happy - kept mine for 49 years and she tells me daily exactly what she wants and I say always say yes dear. I've learned to give her my undivided attention while cooking, and doing all the chores. Always kiss, adore, and tell them you love them every hour on the hour. Provide a nice home, plenty of money for them to use, and endless conversation. You are allowed much prayer though when they take time to breath, eat, relieve themselves, or sleep.

Seriously dear brother I thought so much of a marriage seminar I heard on CD's presented by Brother Gene Hawkins, I took over 6 months transcribing them to pamphlets for just such cases as this. They are free at "gracegod.com" under the heading "Marriage" along the left side blue selections near the bottom. You might have to select Grace Fellowship after "gracegod.com depending on search engine you use.

There are six pamphlets and an Index to keep track of notes. There is no cost and no registration. When you open each by clicking on the title, a small toolbar appears at the top of the script, and on the left side there is "Save a copy of the file - Print - and email". I think you will like and learn much about the heart of a woman versus the mind of a man. He is gifted with much insight in presenting this seminar. It's also great for women to know how men think.

May God bless you in you search for truth brother in Jesus' name - larry

[Potters House]

" Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." 1 Pet 3:7
According to this verse, knowledge is required in order to dwell with a wife. Communication is paramount. Your wife is having difficulty communicating. Discover why. You need to draw it out. Perhaps there is an underlying problem there .
Hearthammer, there is no way a man can make a woman happy. You can do things for her that she will appreciate, and she should respect you for doing those things, but her happiness is tied up in her emotional state. God wired us that way.

A good marriage is like a team of horses pulling a wagon. If one wants to go a different direction, or decides not to go at all, or lets the other carry all the weight, you have a problem. You need to work as a team if you expect to get anywhere. Let the Lord control the reins and don't try to run off. Pull together. Listen to his directions and quit fighting the bit. If he says to go to the right, or left, or stop, do it without a fuss. He is alot higher than you and can see the road ahead alot better.

[germanJoy]

hearthammer, I can only make a general statement here hence it is not expected that you apply it to your wife. A woman normally knows what she wants but how she communicates it is another thing. :-D While she communicates through her feelings, the man attempts to grasp it through the mind. Thus, it is programmed to fail. :-)

If a woman uses her emotions, it is a clear signal that she wants you to KNOW her. And she wants that you know her through YOUR EFFORTS of discovering it yourself, not her own efforts of helping you by telling you what you must do. And if that happens, I am pretty sure she will be satisfied. :)

Why should it be that complicated? Simply because she is fashioned TO SUBMIT and you are fashioned TO RULE. That's why! :LOL

Hope this helps. :af

[god'schild219]

Listen hearthammer the answer to your question is quite simple: If you are a true soldier of christ meaning you are living to satisfy the lord Jesus christ, then you wouldn't even ask the question that you are asking, because if you are treating your wife like the lord treated the church then her submission would be willing and she will become an open book to you. No matter what is going on, just give her all I mean ALL of your love in christ and your problems will cease tremendously. My personal opinion : If my husband was to totally commit to me unconditionally with the love of God. There wouldn't be anything that I wouldn't do. Just a Suggestion.

[Dreamer12]

I truly believe that you need to love her and let her know every day that you are there for her and love her. Plan nice evenings for you and her to spend time together like you used to when you were dating. Make some of them a surprise and take her somewhere she really wants to go. Be supportive of her in everything that she does. Be willing to talk to her about your day and listen to her about her day. Make her ideas important to you. May God carry you through this hard time and bless you with an unbelievable relationship.

[lvelilangel2316]

hey sweetie look i know marriage is hard but , you both have to take it one day at a time maybe its not you maybe its her or maybe both but only you can tell that....1..do you have kids? 2....do u go to church?....is there constant cursing at eachother? 3....do u both work? 4....do you both ever have any alone time? write me back and let me know..i mean i want someone that is outgoing,like to have fun,likes to take risks,so im me or email me at
lvelilangel2316(im) or lvelilangel2316@yahoo.com God bless hope to hear from you soon........

[Bren]

Awesome advice.
I just visited the website you mentioned and it was so on the nose.
Thanks, Larry.
I needed that.
I thought I was going crazy.
love,
bren

[hisredeemed]

My husband is a saint to me. He daily puts my physical and emotional needs ahead of his own, but not to his detriment.

Every morning he leaves me little love notes. Some are deep, some funny, some downright romantic. Nothing fancy. He just writes on the back of his budiness cards and nothing could be more wonderful to me.

Sometimes he buys me little silly gifts like a funny pen, bubbles or sidewalk chalk. (He knows I like this stuff)

She needs to know you love her. She needs to hear it. Yes, a paycheck is special but it doesn't meet an emotional need.

She wants to know you think she's beautiful. She wants you to appreciate all she does. My husband is forever thanking me for doing the chores around the house, cooking and caring enough to always look good for him.

What do you look and smell like when you're off? Do you hang out in a ratty t-shirt and 25 year old drawers? Or do you take the time to wear clean pants (jeans are great), a clean shirt after you've taken a nice shower and put on some cologne? (PS Paul Sebastian works WONDERS on a woman's libido!)

When's the last time you took her out on a date or pulled her into the rain and kissed her? (Make sure there is no lightening!)

On the porch in front of the front entrance write your names (Ex Steve [heart] Lisa) so everyone can see. Don't forget to put the wedding date under it. Corny? Yes, but trust me, it works! Compliment her in public.

Make your kids (if this applies) respect her. Dr Phil once pulled over on the side of the road during a car trip when one of his boys mouthed off their mother and said "Don't you EVER speak to my wife that way again!". I almost swooned!

Find out what she likes. Does she like music? Buy her her favorite cd if she doesn't have it. Buy her her favorite perfume. Just notice what she says she likes and run with it.

Most importantly, pray for her and with her. A woman wants to be loved and respected for who she is. Tell her specifically what you love about her.

All you have to do is be sincere and be willing to try. God will do the rest.

[kellymarie]

Dear Hearthammer,first,you ought to feel good about yourself for seeking out what can make a woman happy.Most men do not go that far,because it is considered unmanly.I have been married for five years,some good years and bad years,but through all that,my husband Steven,tells me he loves me a lot.Tell her you love her,everyday.Even if you have to think back on the past days,remember what you love about her.She wants to hear you say that,especially while you look her in the eye.Women REALLY want to be listened to,even if it is silly to you.It is important to her.She wants good eye contact.Do not look at the tv while she is talking,that hurts.Women speak different languages than men.You probably know some of that already.But,do not talk to her like you do with guys at work,like bodily noises and all....Silly example,but it is true.Also,women are not real simple.We are pretty complex,and moods change often,please don't take offense easily.Women can go from 10 moods in half a day.It is our hormones.Be patient,very patient.Writing a sweet note is so romantic.But when you do,don't make a big deal and fish for complements.Honestly,be honest with her.That is probably number one for most women.And don't be afraid to show your feelings,and your feelings for her.Open up and talk about each of your day together.She wants to know you think of her during the day.Women love to be hugged a lot and hold her when you hug.If she cries,please be patient,and rub her back,and maybe stroke her hair.Just be there for her,even if it takes a while for her to open up.But you being by her,will help her feel safe and that she can talk to you.Lastly,[out of a personal experience] do not tell anyone about her personal things,ex. bad childhood memories like abuse or ex spouses and ex boyfriends.That is to remain confidential.Thank God for her often and lift her up to the Lord.You will start to see a difference.Thank her for what she does,not just what she does for you.And compliment her a lot.Tell her what she means to you.So,patience,honesty,love and sincerity is key.Take care,and hope all our comments have helped you.

[Jenyl]

Hi Hearthammer!

Since all women are different, as I've heard them say - have you ever read "The Five Love Languages"? Since you're married you may be able to tell which ones are hers. It's a great book, explaining that we all have our own ways that make us feel the most loved, and that we usually use those same languages to express love - it's probable that your wife has different ones than you do. I think they are: quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation. The book explains how to apply each one and to recognize them in yourself.

Hope this helps you - God bless you for wanting to work on your marriage!!!

[elect lady]

Hi hearthammer,

My husband is a godsend. He helps with whatever needs done and we work together as a team. Our view is this in our marriage: we both want to get what needs done, done, and out of the way, so that we can have time together without things to do hanging over our head.

Working together can be playful. He puts in long days, many times working more than 12 hours. I try to do what I am able, so that he does not have it to do when he comes home. When the children were young, he did diapering and consoling to give me rest when there were days that they didn't get along. He is an excellent cook and does that at times too.

As woman, I tend to think of all that is left undone and needs doing. A preacher told us how some women may not work outside the home but spend the day canning or cleaning, tending to the children and can be burned out. Many women work outside the home and have all the care of children and housework when they get home from the job. Being a helpmeet, to me, is being whatever is needed to ease my husband and he feels the same about me. It is like puting love into action by serving the other partner. We will be celebrating 30 years of marriage, be the Lord willing in January.

Also buying a gift just because you care, it doesn't have to be something that is functional, it could be candy, flowers, perfume, a book. My husband likes peach and pumpkin pies. Just something that lets the spouse know that you value them.