Cheated on, have questions

[aratt1990]

I'm new here, tried reading some of the previous threads, but too many.
have some questions that maybe people will give me their opinion on.
my husband recently admitted to cheating and other woman now pregnant. she's keeping baby and my husband wants to fully support baby and woman (supposedly for sake of baby). Baby not born yet by the way.
I am deeply spiritual and want to do right by God. We have 2 kids together.
I am currently trying to work on marriage with husband, but it's a daily struggle. Lately been feeling that husband may still be cheating on me with same woman, with the guise that he's just concerned over her pregnancy. I think he doesn't want to upset her while she's pregnant, both parties are not straight with one another, although she knew and knows he is still married. Just feel taken advantage of and taken for granted.
He has always said that the person who breaks up a family is the person that makes the decision for one party to leave. I believe he broke up the family the minute he decided to stray.
I'm not sure what is the Christian thing to do.
do I stay in the marriage, continue to keep working at it as I had promised in my commitment of marriage?
do I ask him to leave since this was not my doing and his cross to bear?
I have been trying to deal with this, tried to move on, but I feel I'm being disrespected.

[larry]

I would say to you that God can heal anything in your lives, but you are not in obligation to remain together with him. If you forgive him and believe he really will change, do what you want, though unless he really goes to God in this matter, I doubt he will change. Many times people caught in their transgression feel real sorrow before man because they were caught, not because they are repentful before God.

I don't know what they do where you live, but here they will give support judgment to whoever appears before the court, and whoever comes next gets proper allowance if there is enough left of the supporter's income. I would advise you to not be low man on the totem pole when it comes to support for you and your children. I am enough Indian I can say that.

Take a look at much of the advice given to others requesting prayer on the "Prayer Request Board" having the same problems as you. I'm so happy to see that you plan on going to God in this matter, and He is going to see you through this.

Your brother in Christ - larry

[Julee]

First of all, I am deeply sorry that you are experiencing so much pain. It is wretched to have someone betray you.

Only you can decide if you want to stay with your husband or leave. I do, however, believe that you must take some things into consideration before making your decision.

How vested are you in your marriage? I noticed you said that you had 2 children. Is there enough of a spark left to the marriage in order to save it? Can you live with the fact that your husband wants to support both the baby and this other woman? I'd like to know how he justifies supporting the woman. If you haven't already, please ask him this question.

It will be difficult, no doubt, if you decide to stay. You will have constant reminders of the affair. Can you handle it? Can you handle what it might do to your children? How will this affect their lives? Do you still love your husband and does he love you....or are you only wanting to make it work because you have children together. Please keep in mind the representation of marriage you will give to them if there is constant mistrust and bickering.

I also think you should know that marriages do survive infidelity, but it takes two partners who deeply love each other and are committed to working on their marriage. Both spouses have to be vested in this, not one. But a marriage can survive and sometimes made even stronger.

If you do decide to stay, I think it would be most helpful to you and your husband if you decide to remember this affair differently. For example, ask yourself and him how this affair has made him a better husband (and father). This is important.

Again, I am sorry you are going through this. If you stay, please seek marital counseling because you will need a non-judgmental person who can help you and your husband rebuild trust and build a stronger marriage. It could also help you to cope with it. God bless you.

[Rylee]

I posted a message for you on the prayer forum... but I also think you've gotten some great advice here too. Write out a list of the questions that Julee asked you and write down the answers on a piece of paper... study this piece of paper, and really look deeply in to your answers. Think of long and short term. I think looking deep in to yourself will help you a great deal. Of course, God will help you more than anything or anybody else ever could. I've said everything else I wanted to say on the prayer board. God bless.

[aratt1990]

Thank you for your advice.
To answer some of the questions - I am fully vested in my marriage, it's been 16 long years of trials and tribulations, and I have been by his side all this time, never failing, and that's what hurts most, is that I didn't deserve this, and he's said it himself. Yes, there seems to be spark still left, although, I feel as though there may still be spark between him and her. I am not staying married just for the sake of my kids, I've seen too many families do that and I don't want to do it for that reason. If I choose to stay married, it's for me and only me, and the Lord. I made commitments that I choose to live by, he broke his commitments, now it's up to me to decide if it's worth saving or not. I feel strongly that I am giving it a shot due to my commitment and faith in the Lord. I could have taken the easy way out and ended it already.
I do not think I can live with him supporting her. I can live with him supporting the baby, but not her because I will always feel as if he has another wife or another family, and I believe she will not move on with her life, as she deserves, because he will always be around and she won't want to anger him for fear that the help won't be there anymore. He says he wants her to move on too, but he's too involved in her life and probably has not thought about it much. But I have been trying to deal with this situation as it is right now. I'm afraid though, that it won't last like this.
He justifies helping her out because of the error he's made, meaning, it's not her fault completely either, so he is trying to be the good guy, so he says. Although I feel that a relationship still exists between them too. He is very strong in making sure he does not call this a "mistake" because the baby shouldn't be a "mistake", he feels God granted him this "miracle" for a reason, so he supports her and wants to continue supporting her because he says if he died tomorrow, he'd die in peace. that statement kills me because yes, he'd die in peace knowing he took care of her and the baby, but look what you did to your own family - to the wife you made a commitment to (although we didn't get married in a church I still feel very strong in my commitment, I still made a commitment through God, whether it be in a church or not), and to our own kids that you were supposed to not let down. Our kids do not know yet. He doesn't want them to know, I do want them to know.
He has a rocky relationship with God. He sometimes says he doesn't understand how God granted him this "miracle" when he's not been a good person. This confuses me. Yes, a baby is a gift, and again, innocent of this all, but should the mother or even my husband feel rewarded by God because of this?
We do not fight in front of the kids, they are constantly surrounded by mostly me, in a very loving, faithful, respectful manner. he works a very tough schedule and is not home a lot. He takes his relationship with me and them for granted.
I am obviously very confused and am trying with all my might to trust that God will tell me what's best to do and not let me down.
Thanks for reading, your advice and all of your prayers.

[Iamawhosoever]

I couldn't stop thinking about you last night. I posted on the Prayer site yesterday and I had to check on you first thing this morning.

M ex cheated on me with his now ex (he's on to #4) but they didn't have a child on the way at that time, so in that respect I don't know what you are going through. All I can say are prayers of understanding and the 'sight' to see what you need to do.

My faith was not as strong as it is today... by any stretch. So the divorce proceedings began and I felt guilty because our son was only 2 at the separation. Strong faith or not, I could not live with a person who took my marriage so lightly. I have since remarried (Nov. is our 20th) and it has been very rocky at times. BUT the one thing I have told my husband is (by experience) 'once a cheater...always a cheater'. I'm sure not in all cases, but I think you know what I mean.

Yes, the baby is innocent. And my very human side says that you are right. They should NOT be rewarded for their "mistake". The way I saw it...he 'put me away' when he became involved with her. So in my mind that was justification right there.

BUT... there are many on this web site (including me) who will help with constant prayers for you. We are only a key stroke away.

[jr2443]

He's only using this as an excuse to stay attached to her. Think of it this way... If he was really concernced just about the kid, why isn't he helping other children who don't have fathers? Has he been the type of person in the past to spend lots of his time and money to help widows and orphans? Then why has he become a saint all of a sudden? Do you get my point?

Tell him to stop seeing and talking to her, or I would divorce him.

This is America, she doesn't need your husbands help! I'm sure she has family and friends. In addition I know lots of single mothers who support themselves. And if she's lazy, don't let it effect your marriage and children. The government offers tons of help for single mothers... she can get foodstamps, wealthfare, Supplemental Social Security Income, in my state (Texas there is a great service called WIC that would give her and her child free food, plus in Texas she would get free college for being a single mother.) She may not live in Texas but my point is that wherever she's at she'll be taken care of.

Don't let your husband do this to you or your children, tell him to stop talking to and seeing her and the child, or I would divorce him. And if you divorce him don't worry about money... no matter what state you live in, they almost always give the kids to the mom, and the husband has to pay you child support and sometimes alamony, and you'll probably get the home since he cheated on you. I'm not saying this to get you greedy, but so that you know, you'll be taken care of.

Hope this helps,
I'll be praying for your peace and your forgiveness towards him (just because you forgive him doesn't mean you have to stay with him) and your ability to make a wise decision.
Don

[sugarbunch]

Don't really know why i wrote a poem for this...but i did.

Feeling used
Not knowing what to do
Where do i go now?

All the trust not there
Your leaving me bare
When you touch anoughter
Now i'm trying to pull myself back together
But my heart still so tender

Will the love be the same
Or will it contunie to be your game
Since you did it i'm still ashamed
My heart has been tossed in a flame

But still i look to God for love
Knowing he'll will heal me, even from above

But till then i'll just sit tight
And wait for his light
And try not to loose my sight
In all this darkness

[Iamawhosoever]

Don you said it much better than I was trying to. One thing I could never tolerate is an adulterus marriage, especially when my children and a soon-to be-child is involved.
A wife needs to stand up for herself and her children and show them that she will NOT be a doormat or a place to come home to when he needs a change from the 'other one'.
Being a christian doesn't give us the right to have to bear this pain when something can be done about it.
After reading your reply, Don, I feel free to really express how I hate cheaters. Hey... I'm human and a woman who has been there.

[Julee]

Thank you for that information.

Listen...I know you are looking for answers and in what direction to go, but only you can make this decision. While I understand your pain and confusion, I cannot in good conscience tell you to leave your husband. Do know this, though: You deserve the committment of your husband; to demand he not financially support another woman; and the loyalty of your husband, both physically and emotionally. It would be too easy for me to relate to you woman-to-woman, but it would not be objective and it may not be fair to you because what would be right for me could be very wrong for you.

While you are sorting through your feelings, is it possible to separate from your husband while you go through this process? I understand that you have children and that both you and your husband do not want them to know, but I'm willing to bet that they already know. Do they know that Dad had an affiar, got the woman pregnant, and is going to support this woman and her child? Probably not, but it depends on their age. But they do know---at some level---that things are not right between Mom and Dad. THere has been a change and when one part of the family system is changed, ALL parts experience a change. I'm not sure how old your children are, but I'm assuming they are under the age of 16. Children know when things are not right because it messes with them. They sense the tension and they feel that things are different. I'm not a big fan of family secrets, so I'm thinking that they need to be told SOMETHING. How much you tell them is up to you. But you have a lot of thinking to do and it might be better (if you also think it is) if you physically separated from your husband to sort through your feelings. You are too close to all of this right now and it is so very painful. Make a list (if it is helpful) of all the benefits of remaining married and make a list of all the drawbacks of remaining married. Be honest with yourself. Be honest about what you can live with and what you cannot. Do not allow your husband to set a time limit for you. Take your time with this because it is extremely important.

It sounds like you've endured quite a bit in this marriage. Is your husband doing his part? Do you love your husband? Do you believe he loves you? Do you trust him?

I will continue to pray for you because I realize you are going through agony right now. You are carrying your cross. God is here with you and walking with you through this pain. He loves you. Pray for His will and acceptance of His will. Pray for discernment about this decision. Please let me know how you are doing. I care.

[aratt1990]

Thank you everyone for your input. It is good to hear other points of view, especially from my fellow Christian brothers and sisters.
Thank you for the poem Sugar bunch, it pretty much summed up my feelings exactly.
Does my husband love me? It appears he does, although, I would hate to think that he may just be with me because he feels obligated or is the "right" thing to do. I don't want to feel that way because I am not comfortable with that and then knowing his heart is somewhere else. He's said he loves me, but it's hard to listen to when all you want to do is ring his neck and say, then why did you do this to me?
To me, if we separate, that'll be it. If he cannot work on things while he's at home, how can I even try to trust him if he's not at home? He's said plenty of times before this whole ordeal that if he left, he wasn't coming back. of course now he changes his tune and he is the one that said in the beginning that if I wanted him to leave temporarily, that he would go and come back when I was ready. To me, that is also a cop out excuse. Leave while things are rough, not have to face them, and spend the time with the other woman because he'd have no one to answer to, then over time if feelings change, he can come back? I don't like that. He should be working like a madman to work things out now, if that's what he truly wants. of course then I also think he's leaving this all to me, maybe hoping I let him go so that he doesn't look like the bad guy. this is all a confusing matter, there's no good out of any of this.
Our kids know that something is going on, but don't know the specifics. they are pretty happy go lucky and are content just spending time on the computer, so as long as they still have that, they dont concern themselves with anything else.
I love my husband to death. he is the first and only true love I've ever had. I have a lot invested in this marriage to just let things go. I think my love for him and my love for God, is what makes this decision that much harder for me. I don't want to be sorry in the end that I either was a fool or that i didn't give it my best shot.
Do I trust him? Honestly no. he knows that he has a lot of work to do before I can ever trust him or anyone else ever again.
This past week or so he's changed with me, very distant, not affectionate, no interest in me. Some of me feels it's because he's grown tired of hearing me harp over this subject, but he's got to understand that this is not easy for me. out of the 3 of us, I'm the only one compromising myself and being asked to accept something that I don't like. No one else is doing anything different on their part. and no one else is being disappointed like I am. I have told him over and over again that he has a lot of making up to do, not that I'm mean spirited and treat him badly, but if I want him to hear me or I want him to reassure me a million times, then do it, you owe that to me. I didn't deserve any of this.

[Julee]

Of course you did not deserve this and I'm glad that you recognize that. Too many people blame themselves and live with regrets of "If only I would have done this or that......"

I have to tell you that I read this post more than an hour ago and I had to take a break and sit with all this information for a while before replying to you. When I read your message, I sense that you are grieving for your marriage and that you desperately want your marriage to survive this affair. I strongly urge you to contact a marriage and family therapist to help you and your husband through this process. Is your husband willing to go to therapy? Many men are reluctant to go to therapy, but I pray he is willing to give it a try. You were the one who was betrayed and my heart breaks for you. Yet.....you are willing to work through this. I admire you. I can only imagine the pain you are experiencing. Please contact a therapist. You can find one at aamft.org.

I'm sorry your husband is not sensitive enough to realize that you need reassurance. My guess is that he feels guilty. I also understand that you are not comfortable asking him to leave while you sort out your feelings. I sense that you are terrified that he might not miss you and return to that woman. Please know that you cannot control what he does. You cannot control if he cheats or if he is faithful. After all, you two were together when he was unfaithful. But do know that I understand from where you are coming. I really do. I am sorry for your pain.

Please post again (when you're ready) and let me know how you are doing.

[Spiff]

Aratt, i'm 19, and i've never been married, and never been cheated on in my life, so i can not possibly understand what you are going through. i do realize that it mus be incredibly hard right now. as i've read through these post, and i'll admit, i did skimm through alot of them i was disapointed that i did not see much if any scripture posted. i'll be honest, i have come to really look forward to what jr posts, however this time i was disappointed. i find i usually agree with him, but not this time. i've seen in most posts alot of reference as to how you do not deserve this, and i am not by any means trying to cast blame on you. however, no one deserves anything good. the best any of us deserve is to spend an eternity hell. as to the matter of whether or not to leave him, well, 1 Corinthians 7:10 says "and unto the married i command, Yet not I but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband." i think that is pretty clear and straightforward. however, i was reading a post from Jr. earlier that pointed out a passage in matt. 5:32. it states that basically it is ok to divorce if the cause is fornication. some translations use the word adultery. i do not think that is an accurate translation, fornication can mean something completely different. the greek word used here is actually porneia, which can mean an incestuous relationship, which we can see from 1 Corinthians was actually a problem. also, later on in the passage when talking about if the divorced wife were to remarry, she would be commiting adultery, it uses the word moichao, which can only mean unlawful intercourse with another spouse (adultery). i personally believe that is what matt 5 is referring to, if your married to relative, it is ok to divorce, because that marriage is not a lawful marriage anyways. any other reason is unaccaptable to divorce. also, if you do decide to divorce, which is wrong, then you have to remain unmarried for the rest of your life, unless you and your husband get back together. 1 corinthians 7:11 states that, and matt 5:32 says that if you remarry another after divorcing your husband, in your specific case, you would commit the same sin he has. as believers we are to take scripture as the ultimate authority, not how we feel. as i said before, i can not possibly understand what you are going through, and i know many people will disagree with this, but you asked a question, and i wanted to make sure you got a scriptural answer, and not just how people felt. i will definately keep you and your husband in prayer.

[aratt1990]

I thank everyone for their input. Again, it gives me other view that I may not have thought of before.
I had some more questions or rather curious about how people view this.
Ok, so you hear people preach that we should live our life as if it were our last day on earth, live life to the fullest, and that we should die in peace, etc etc.
I always fear hearing this said and fearful of my husband's reaction to it. I fear that he thinks that means he should live his daily life happy, with both me as his wife and also with the other woman, since that is what makes him happy and he could die tomorrow, so why not do what he enjoys or makes him happy.
I do not feel the same. i feel that it means you should live your daily life happy, but under your commitments and what the Lord intended, not in deceit. does anyone get what I'm talking about?
Some people tell me that I deserve to be happy, meaning kick him out and move on with your life. But I unfortunately, do not see myself as being happy without this man, doesn't that sound pathetic? So that leaves me at a very hard choice - live without him and TRY to be happy alone, or live with him and hope and pray that he comes to his senses, but in the meanwhile have to put up with the relationship with the other woman and baby, and probably more lies and deceit. When I try to put into perspective of if I died tomorrow would I die in peace? Yes, i would die in peace, knowing I did what God intended of me, but I wouldn't die peacefully knowing that someone could hurt me so bad.
I know I'm just rambling, but you can imagine my state of mind.
No one deserves what I'm going through.
Sometimes I think that as much as he'd like to keep us as his family, that I should still kick him out to live with the choice he's made, whether it's for his best or not, he made his bed, he must now lie in it. but then the soft hearted side of me, and some may say selfish side of me feels that I want him by my side, and if that's the choice I make, I have chosen to live with such pain. I love him so much, I have never loved someone more than I love him. Even throughout all the pain he's caused, I still love him the same as before all of this. That's what makes this all hard to give up. And unfortunately, I probably do love him more than I love myself, that's sad.
I know that God put me on this earth for a reason, what that reason is, I still don't know yet, but I know there is a reason. Why this happened to me, I'll never know I guess.
sorry for rambling, again, bad state of mind.
thank you.

[beautifullixchaotic]

First of all I think you have the right of feeling disrespected. And Also yes it may be his fault of breaking up the family. But somehow you have to forgive him. Which is the Chrisitan Thing to do. It may be hard though. This book might help :If You Don't Die to Self, I May Have to Kill You" An Extreme Marriage Makeover By: Karen Long...i haven't read it but its just an suggestion. But I will pray for you that God will help you through this time and that it might be clear on what is the right thing to do!

[aratt1990]

bumping this in hopes that someone can answer my questions in my previous note.

[mhusoy]

I'm new here, tried reading some of the previous threads, but too many.
have some questions that maybe people will give me their opinion on.
my husband recently admitted to cheating and other woman now pregnant. she's keeping baby and my husband wants to fully support baby and woman (supposedly for sake of baby). Baby not born yet by the way.
I am deeply spiritual and want to do right by God. We have 2 kids together.
I am currently trying to work on marriage with husband, but it's a daily struggle. Lately been feeling that husband may still be cheating on me with same woman, with the guise that he's just concerned over her pregnancy. I think he doesn't want to upset her while she's pregnant, both parties are not straight with one another, although she knew and knows he is still married. Just feel taken advantage of and taken for granted.
He has always said that the person who breaks up a family is the person that makes the decision for one party to leave. I believe he broke up the family the minute he decided to stray.
I'm not sure what is the Christian thing to do.
do I stay in the marriage, continue to keep working at it as I had promised in my commitment of marriage?
do I ask him to leave since this was not my doing and his cross to bear?
I have been trying to deal with this, tried to move on, but I feel I'm being disrespected.


Hey my sister in Christ. I (Magnus) feel so sorry for you when I hear this, that your husband has cheated on you, and still does. :-(


Just let me make it clear from the beginning: you are not to blame for this, he has to take all the responsibility for the wrongs comitted!!! The sad thing is that it has caused you great suffering, and I hope that you can sence the love and comfort from God Himself, as well as from me and your other brothers and sisters in Christ!


I want to honour you for bringing your problems and sufferings to our attention. You clearly show honesty and courage by doing this sister, and I hope and pray that you will find good advice, and the leadership of God in your situation.


I am here to help you, in any way I can:

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Gal 6:2

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 1 Cor 12:26

So, I just want to say that I feel the pain too, since we're one in Christ.


I am happy that you want to act in this situation according to the Word of God, which should be our guide in all aspects of life. Myself, I'm not yet married, so I can't give you advice based on my own experiences. But let me at least try to give you advice and guidance from the Bible, as well as encouragement as your brother in Christ.


Is your husband a christian? If so, he is in real problems if he does not turn away from these great sins. The Bible clearly states that comitting adultery is a griveous sin. He is to blame, you have stayed true to him, and so, you're not doing anything wrong. If he is not a christian, you should ask him if he wants to leave you. The Bible allows non-christians to leave a christian spouse if they want. And the christians is not bound to the non-christian anymore if so happens.


1 Cor 11:


To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 10-11

This applies to a christian couple. For two christians (people that confess Jesus as Christ, Lord and Saviour - and follow the Bible and live their lives to the glory of God as you do), it is allowed for the WIFE to seperate from her husband. It is NOT allowed for a HUSBAND to leave his wife. (The wife has a greater "right" than the husband in this case).


And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 13

If your husband is not christian, but wants to stay with you (by not comitting adultery against you - not the case here), then you should stay with him. BUT, it really seems that he does not want to stay with you - at least you have to find that out.


But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 15

If your husband leaves you, you are not bound to him anymore. I'm not an expert on these things, but it is possible that you can marry someone else after such a case. You should talk to your pastor about it.


A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 39

By this, we can see that you're bound to the husband as long as he lives, but if he dies, you may marry another man (a brother in Christ). So, if we compare verse 15 and 39, it seems that it is okay to marry another man for you if your husband leave you.


So, you should stay in the marriage, if not for anything else than the love of God and your children, until you find out what your husband wants. Of course, the best thing would be if you could be reconsiled with each others, and become a happy couple again. But if that fails, you are not bound to your marriage promises if he leaves you.


I hope that you know that God sees you in all these troubles. He knows your faithfulness to your husband, and your love for the Lord. He will be with you and comfort you through His Spirit that dwells inside you.


Ephesians 1:13-14:

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.


2 Cor 1:3-5:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.


I really feel sorry for you sister, and I hope that things will get better for you. Just continue to seek God in prayer, and try to find out what your husband wants. Just remember that you are without sin in this, and that you are not bound if your husband decides to leave you.


My prayers go to you, your kids, and your husband - that he might repent and find forgiveness from God and you.


your brother in Christ

Magnus

[Tee828]

Aratt,

You are so right, you did not deserve this and my heart just aches for you and my prayers are definitely with you. Do you know how long he cheated on you with this woman? Ask him and then ask him to give you at least that same amount of time to let the Lord heal and deliver you from the hurt of his affair. Emotional wounds run deep and take much longer to heal than a cut or bruise on our skin.

See if he is willing to go with you to a Christian Counselor and ask him to enter into prayer with you asking the Lord to expose his heart to you and to himself so that you both will know what you are really dealing with and for the Lord to deliver him from every soul tie, evil work and lustful demon. Also pray together for the Lord to heal your marriage and your heart according to the word of God in Matthew 18:19--Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

If he is not willing to do this, then you know he is not really sincere concerning you or your marriage.

I pray that all will work our for your good according to Romans 8:28 and that he would bear fruit meet for repentance concerning his actions.

God Bless You.

[aratt1990]

I wanted to post an update to my situation and to thank everyone for their prayers and to ask for continued prayers.
She has still not delivered the baby yet. She is due at the end of this month. Since my last message, she has since bought a condo close to our house, and her mother is now living with her for the next 6 months. I was told by my husband that with her mother coming, things should calm down, when in fact, they haven't. Things have gotten worse. Instead of going to see her twice a week, he's now going daily, especially since she lives so close now. There were times that our relationship looked like it may survive, he was being very kind and considerate of me, and we were enjoying each others company. there were things I knew I was being lied to about, but I decided to look at the bigger picture and let those things go as I now have to pick my battles. But now, he has turned into a selfish inconsiderate disrespectful person again. he is no longer kind to me, he no longer considers my feelings, he no longer wants to talk about this subject at all, and he's lying even more now. He claims he knows that I'm not stupid, yet he still does things thinking that I won't notice. He has an attitude of being mad at me all the time, picks fights over petty things that in comparison to what he's dealt me and my kids, it's nothing. I have gone way far and beyond in being understanding, patient, respectful and kind to him. I do not deserve how I am being treated right now, I am not sure if it stems from her pending delivery and he's just a mess inside, but that's not a good enough excuse for me. I have tried my best to be patient, to trust what he's telling me which is that things will get better, so I let him do what he thought was right, trusting that things would change for the better. But just like before, I'm probably just fooling myself. I try to communicate with him heart to heart, in all seriousness and all he can do is criticize me for bringing it up and/or crying about it. I explained to him that if it weren't for my anti-depressants and my strong faith in God, I would never be able to get out of bed in the mornings. i told him that I pray all the time for all of us. He told me once that praying isn't going to help.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am hoping she gives birth real soon so that this isn't dragged out. I don't want to make an irrational move based on how I'm feeling at this exact moment, without trying to give him the chance to show me how the future really could be. but then I can't help but feel like a fool since he doesn't seem to stick with anything he says.
with this woman's (it's hard for me to refer to her as a woman) mother here, I had hoped that her mother would be a more considerate person and knowing that he's married with kids, would push him away or would push her daughter to do the right thing and discourage him from hanging around. But no. Where did people's morals go nowadays??
I am so confused. I am not looking for anyone to give me an answer, but I do hope that everyone can pray for us. I am willing to go with God's will, I just want to be sure of what it is. My heart cannot take much more. in fact, I am currently under a doctors care, trying to find out what's wrong with me since I've been in poor health the past few months. My husband unfortunately doesn't seem to care about my health, only when he happens to remember.
I am a very kind, good hearted person, I know I don't deserve this, but I love my husband to death and thought that he at least deserves this chance. but in my doing that, I am hurting more and more on a daily basis.
Thank you for your prayers again.

[Little_Lamb]

"I am a very kind, good hearted person, I know I don't deserve this, but I love my husband to death and thought that he at least deserves this chance. but in my doing that, I am hurting more and more on a daily basis.
Thank you for your prayers again."

My dear sister,

Though my situatio is different, there is one similarity here. I kept striving and striving to save my marriage, while my husband kept striving and striving to end it. All I did was hurt myself over and over by not realizing that it needed to end. I are not obligated to stay with your husband, and thoguh you love him very much, you are God's precious child whom He loves very much. He will heal the pain in time, but you need to make the step out. Do it for your children as well...it is your job to protect them and raise them up in a Godly home.(and as larry has mentioned, get the support due to them as well!) Basically what I'm saying, is to know when it is time to stop waiting for your husand to change, and move on with the life God has set before you. My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you sister!
Blessings & Love!

[leviahiel]

its easier to beat people over the head with the law: bible than it is to understand the law. the only reason for a divorce is for adultery, if he ahs fornicated with another other then his spouse, the from a legalistic point of view, you are fully within your right. Now while I am not trying to be condemning to your marriage or any acts therin (love the sinner, not the sin) and also the fact that I am very much not wanting God angered at me for saying anything to destroy your marriage, or be the cause of it breaking up for good. I will say that when the israelites were confronted with seeing their own iniquity, they removed the members of their own household who were idolaters and adulterers. They isolated them in villages around the time they went to rebuild jerusalem after it was taken by babylon.

This was an act of great repentence, it meant that the entire nation was redevoting itself to God. Even Christ says better to remove appendages then to take the entire body to hell.

Is your husband prepared to do the same?

If not, then I am thinking that you will have an extremely difficult time ahead for you.