A question for Christian men

[brenn]

hi, without goin into a lot of details I would like to have some responses from all you Christian men on this chat forum about this. so here goes... I lost my fiance when I was going through a health issue because it temporarily changed my appearence. since then the health issue was diagnosed and I'm better, (about six months after the break up), so my question is:
As a Christian man just how important are physical appearences in finding a mate and are you still as visual as you were when lost. This is very confusing and hurtful for a fairly new Christain who prefers to look beyond the physical.
Thank you brenn

[M. Reborn]

Hi brenn, a "new Christian" is a beautiful person so you are off to a good start. And you know, the unwarranted loss of your fiancee may be one of the first tests you must face.

I hope that your "health issue" is truly over with, and that you've recovered completely, because worry can drag you down, and actually affect your appearance. My opinion about the importance of physical appearance when you are looking for a mate is this: with shallow people it is a big deal, and they miss out on some good prospects because they discard them quickly. But really thoughtful people look deeper, and to my mind good Christians find much more fulfillment with intelligent, loving persons who live for God.

Let me suggest something else. Since they say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" someone may be very attracted to you, even though you consider some things to be personal flaws. Don't underrate yourself.

If you are clean, neat, well-groomed, and dress nicely, that constitutes a better physical appearance than whether or not you have the suave, fine-chiseled facial features, and are musclebound. Don't be self-conscious about your looks. Strive for sincere interest in the person you may meet who interests you, and your Christian outlook and attitude toward others will take you a long way. I hope this has helped you, but I know prayer and faith in God's appropriate response will truly help you.

[M. Reborn]

Hi brenn, again. Wow, do I owe you an apology. I thought I was exchanging chats with a guy. I am so sorry, brenn, I should have realized it from the word "fiance" that you used.

Despite my poor perception (at 11:30 p.m. I should be sleeping) I think my advice would be the same, except for the part about the well-chiseled face and being musclebound.

Personally, in finding my own mate, it was her character, talent and values that attracted me most. Those still exist in her, and my respect has grown more during the years of our marriage. That attitude existed before and after I was born-again. If you are a confident Christian, I think you will be successful in finding the man for you. May God bless you in that.

[Cam Finnegan]

I would agree with Reborn. Physical looks are not important because when you really find the person God wants you to be with, their beauty will manifest itself in so many ways that you can't help but appreciate every aspect of them. They will always be beautiful in your eyes, no matter what they look like over time as I understand it. There is a verse in proverbs (I think?) which says that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who loves the lord must be held above all earthly treasures (or something along those lines),

[brenn]

hi, lol lol lol that's ok M-reborn. The pic I have posted is the current me. and the health issue Celiac disease, caused some extra pounds which I had no control over and he did say he loved EVERYTHING about me that's why I was so floored when he set me aside and couldn't accept the better or worse part like he claimed too. Your response has helped and I appreciate it.
God bless and thanks.
bren

[brenn]

Thank you for your response Cam. I agree with you too. I guess i should thank The Lord for my finding out about the 'shallowness', m-Reborn mentioned before I married. I DO NOT believe in divorce and I would hate to have had to spend my life in a loveless marriage because I would not have been able to stop the aging process or control any further health problems from happening. You both have been very helpful.

thank you, and God bless to you too.
bren

[M. Reborn]

Good morning, brenn, I'm in better condition now than last night. lol.

You have made a good point about inability to stop the aging process, and controlling health. Any genuine person in a relationship has to realize physical appearance is short-lived, and changes in health can come on so quickly. A partner has to know that he may be the one to be afflicted, and then be dependent on you. The marriage contract say "for better or worse" and Christians take that seriously.

There are so many rich experiences in a good marriage. It is a true union, where two people become as one. Your trust in God's will and benevolence will bring you the answer He knows is right for you. You are God's child, and I hope you find great comfort in that.

[truebeliever]

brenn,

Whether a guy is a Christian or an outright hedonist pagan, the nature of man dictates that looks rank quite high in most cases when looking for a date and/or a potential mate.

Guys are more visually driven than females. Ever notice how sometimes you'll see a good-looking gal with some guy that's just average, or maybe even below average in the looks department but you rarely, if ever, see a good-looking guy with a girl that's average or below average in the looks deptartment?

'Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their hearts.' - Old Saying

'You have the right to be ugly but she abuses the privilege!' - Benny Hill

'All Tortelli men's brains are in their flies!' - Carla Tortelli, Cheers

Kent Lane: 'I like a woman that has the same interests I have.'

Melvin: 'What are those?'*

Kent Lane: 'Booze and cheap sex.'

- From the movie Night Patrol (My personal fave 'guilty pleasure' movie of all-time! * - First two lines between K & M paraphrased as I don't remember them off the top of my head.)

There's an element of truth in everyone of those quotes!

But, to be fair, a lot of women today in our society are just as visually driven by looks as most men are.

The changing of America's sexual standards beginning in the 1960's kicked open the door to a lot of women being as tomcattish as a lot of men.

And it's affected Christians just as much as it has affected secular society.

We are sexual beings in nature, and when you loosen the restraints...

[SemperReformanda]

LOL

Thats great Reborn.. I was trying to figure out if chiseled face and muscle bound were really something she would be striving for anyhow.. too funny :)

[OneJoe]

hi, without goin into a lot of details I would like to have some responses from all you Christian men on this chat forum about this. so here goes... I lost my fiance when I was going through a health issue because it temporarily changed my appearence. since then the health issue was diagnosed and I'm better, (about six months after the break up), so my question is:
As a Christian man just how important are physical appearences in finding a mate and are you still as visual as you were when lost. This is very confusing and hurtful for a fairly new Christain who prefers to look beyond the physical.
Thank you brenn
Pro 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall
have no need of spoil.

Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Pro 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

Pro 31:14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

Pro 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

Pro 31:16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

Pro 31:17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

Pro 31:18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

Pro 31:19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

Pro 31:20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

Pro 31:21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

Pro 31:22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Pro 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

Pro 31:24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Pro 31:25 Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Pro 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Pro 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Pro 31:29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Pro 31:30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

Pro 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.


Onejoe

[Cam Finnegan]

That was the one I was looking for, thanks OneJoe!

[m.o.m.]

:-( Sadly, truebeliever, I think you have posted what I believe many Christian men adhere too. And while you may be correct about our human nature, aren't we supposed to have died to that nature and to live as Christ.

There are so many in this world (Christians among them) who judge people instantly by their looks and never take the time to get to know the person inside. (and yes, Christian women can be guilty of this also). I am thankful for those on here who remember that God has said it's what is inside that counts. :) It sounds to me like you are making excuses based on our nature -- kinda like the old phrase "boys will be boys."

m.o.m.

[brenn]

wow thank you for the responses everyone. Onejoe I hadn't realized there were so many verses. thank you. although truebeleiver had me scared there or a while cause I Cannot and willnot have a "secular" man, "be ye not unequaly yoked" and if Christian men were still hangin onto the fleshly aspect of things I could never feel safe in that relationship either. we can't control the aging process or health or anything else so were does that leave one. anyway I do know that there has to be some attraction but I also beleive the true beauty comes from inside. some one once said , while you are standing there waiting for the float with the beauty queens on it the rest of the parade is passin you by.
another truth God reminded me of, and I hope it helps someone else man or woman who read these posts, is this, God made us all and He makes no mistakes. the extra weight though not extreme that was a result of this health issue I guess could be seen as a time of growth, NO PUN INTENDED here lol lol, for me as well as my former fiance. I will just keep praying that the Lord hugs him and guides him in this and that I become more accepting of Gods will even though I don't agree with it.
Thank you all again.
brenn

[truebeliever]

m.o.m.,

I'm simply pointing out the obvious. When you live in a very sexually permissive culture like we do today, men and women are going to act more frequently upon their hedonistic lusts. My statements neither excuse or condone that type of behavior, but because we are sexual beings in nature these types of things are going to happen.

And men, even in a Victorian-style society, are still going to be attracted to women because of their looks first and foremost. It may not be fair, but that's the way God made us!!!

BTW, how many Christian young men and women do you think will visit Spring Break hotspots this year??? MY guess is a lot. And they will engage in the behavior of many (most?) of the other people there.

When in Rome...

[RoMan838]

truebeliever, please read Onejoe's post. You are right about the struggle with visual temptations, but there is victory in Christ. We are slaves of Christ, not slaves of the flesh. "When in Rome", do as Paul.

[SteveJ]

I am blessed to be married to a Proverbs 31 woman.

And I _still_ look to youth and beauty. Surface attraction, nothing deeper.

I think this is mainly evidence that I still have a pulse.

[flyboy]

I think everyone will say that when you meet someone for the first time physical apperance is somthing you notice. Men in general view things from a physical standpoint at first, thats just how we are programed. Guys aren't built for beauty women are. But when God has someone in mind for you that guy wont see anything but beauty inside and out. Ya know as we get older our outer appearence changes so its whats on the inside we truly love after all. Your exfiance just proved what kind of guy he is. So i guess the answer i'm trying to say is, yes we are still visual saved. But we let God change how we see things where as those who are lost just see what they want. That's my two cents.